Holiday Survival Guide: Bi Edition

If there’s one thing that quarantining/isolation has given me, it’s the opportunity to be myself and embrace communities that I may not have realized I had access to before. I have been so lucky to find writing communities and bi communities, and like-minded people with who I can surround myself. And now, after months of not really having to think too much about what other people want for me, I will be visiting my family on multiple occasions for the holidays. 

Unfortunately, I don’t have the most accepting family, and I know I am not alone in this. This year’s visits home will already look different — not going out to eat on Christmas Eve, masking up for last-minute Thanksgiving morning grocery trips, possibly not attending Christmas Mass, the list goes on. So, what are some good ways to survive this season?

Lean on your support systems.

If the family or people you will be around during the holidays are unsupportive, then you will need a good support system to get you through this season. I am lucky to have a partner that supports and accepts every part of me. We are in a straight-passing relationship, so I can get through family visits without the tension and disapproval that I know I would otherwise face. Even so, I find immense comfort and joy in my LGBTI support systems (which are mostly online right now due to COVID). 

It gives me a place to go where I know I belong and is a consistent reminder of how I’m not alone. Immerse yourself in communities you can relate to and create those support systems now so that when you are feeling down or isolated during the holidays, you have people to lean on.

Take time for yourself.

Sometimes you just need to lay on your bed alone in your childhood bedroom while your family plays board games downstairs. It’s okay to need a break. It’s okay to stay home if you’re tired and your family wants to go out and do something. I grew up as the oldest child in a tight-knit family, and it has always been really difficult for me to decline any invitation to spend time with them (especially now, during COVID times when I feel like I should appreciate any time I can get with my family). 

I went through a short phase after I moved out where I was miserable any time I went to visit my parents because I was enjoying my life so much away from them. Lately, when I go visit, I make a point to get enough time by myself — reading, scrolling through Twitter, writing, just doing things that I know will recharge me. It’s not worth it to be miserable the whole time, and it can be draining to spend literal days feeling like you can’t act like yourself.

Be as “out” as you want.

I understand that it’s not always possible, and maybe not even always safe, to be as out as you want to be. I would absolutely love to be openly bi among my family, but (for me) it’s just not worth it. There are a million different situations that you could be in — out with an accepting family, out with an unaccepting family, not out with an unaccepting family, partially out to some family members, etc. An unaccepting or unaware family does not make you less valid. 

You are the best judge of your situation and how ready you are to come out to those around you, and you shouldn’t be pressured either way. No matter what your situation, no matter where you are in the coming out process that you are in, to the people around you, your sexuality is still valid. You are still bi, and you are still a part of our community.

This season, much like the rest of the year, is going to be different than previous (and hopefully future) years. I know many people might not be in a position to visit family and friends. This might even be a relief. Whether you’re around family to celebrate a holiday, or for a school break, or because it’s been a long year and you miss them, you will not be alone. Lean on the support system that knows you best and lets you be yourself, take mental breaks and get away to recharge, and, lastly, know that your experience and stage of coming out does not define your sexuality.

Take heart and happy holidays!