Do you crave drama that has absolutely no bearing on your personal life? Do you enjoy watching trashy shows with unhinged relationships and screaming at your screen about their terrible decisions? Then 90 Day Fiancé (2014–) is for you.
For those who have never heard of this raccoon treasure trove of mayhem, the show follows couples where one person must get married within 90 days to their foreign partner in order to get a visa. If the ticking clock weren’t enough, many of these couples have barely spent any time together face to face.
This show has many spin-offs, including The Other Way (2019–), The Last Resort (2013–), and even The Single Life (2021–). The OG series recently hit its eleventh season, and it had some delicious bisexuality worth dishing about. There are bi people in plenty of other seasons, but the show’s bi representation has definitely come a long way. As someone whose job is to stalk bi people, yes, I have been keeping tabs on as many bis in the franchise as possible.
The bi rep in 90 Day Fiancé may not always be ideal, but what it lacks in class it makes up for in dumpster-fire madness. Why should the straights have all the fun when it comes to so-bad-it’s-good messy reality TV? Jerry Springer walked so 90 Day Fiancé could run. And run it has.
So here’s all the hot goss and bisexuali-TEA for this piping hot season. Warning: there will be spoilers, hot takes, betrayal, Mexican strip clubs, women painting naked ladies, and secret identities. Reader discretion is advised, SPOILERS incoming. Lastly, if you’re unfamiliar with our rating system, check out the original article here.
What I Liked:
For starters, in this season we actually hear the word “bisexual” so many times I lost count. Not “I don’t like labels,” not “mostly straight but…” Nah. For all its grime and glory, we actually get human beings, such as Mahdi and Stevi, saying the word “bisexual”, which isn’t a small thing!
Then there’s the Bisexual Throuple.
This is the first official throuple of the main series (Tarik, Hazel, and Minty from season eight don’t count, and I’ll die on this hill). We have the American-born Matt, Amani from Tunisia, and their sparkling new but confusingly named girlfriend, Any, who’s currently living in Mexico. Matt and Amani have been married for a decade, and reside in San Diego with their two children. Matt is a stay-at-home dad while Amani is the loud and proud bi breadwinner. At one point, Amani shares what it was like growing up in a strict conservative culture where she had to hide her bisexuality. Matt and Amani met Any as a dancer named stripclub in Mexico and the three fell madly in love.
The season begins about a year into this throuple, and Matt and Amani are considering an on-paper divorce so that one can marry Any to get her to the United States on a K-1 visa. We see snippets of what’s to come with them disclosing this nugget to their close friends and family — much to their shock, horror, and confusion. Undeterred, Matt and Amani travel to Mexico to meet Any’s family. But we soon find out that Any hasn’t told her family about the throuple — they think Matt is her boyfriend and Amani is a friend.
This is a shady move to be sure, but there’s a lot to take into consideration here.
Coming out to your family as both bisexual and polyamorous is complicated. Not everyone is lucky enough to have accepting and progressive loved ones. And while Mexico has come a long way, many parts of Mexican culture are still not very open-minded about LGBT folks. Plus Any also has children, and believed that keeping a low profile would be the safest bet for not risking her ability to work and provide for them.
Still, Amani is understandably upset when finding this out. She feels like she’s become some dirty secret. Having been raised in Tunisia where she was closeted and not free to be herself, this strikes a major nerve with her. It also leads Amani to begin asking questions. Does Any really love her? Is she only interested in Matt and scheming to break them up and take her man? Has she been using them to simply get a green card? Amani explodes and runs off. And while this scene is messy, it’s a surprisingly accurate glimpse into polyamory and bisexuality for both women.
While Any is comforting Amani and trying to resolve the situation, Any reveals to Amani that she actually feels more strongly for Amani, and it’s Matt she doesn’t feel as strong a bond with. This detail is worth mentioning because it’s both a poly and a bi issue. The couple is trying to assess and confirm all these things about their shared lover and whether or not there is an equal balance. They wonder why she feels more affection for one partner over the other and whether this means she might not even be bi.
Most of us don’t get told we’re just trying to get a green card when we say we’re bi, but hey, most of us aren’t on a show about getting married in 90 days. It’s frustrating to see Any’s bisexuality questioned, but it’s also true to life gives a pretty accurate look into how even bi people themselves can doubt one another.
Amani plans a date for Matt and Any. We see Amani making peace with her husband on a date with their girlfriend, and Any opening up to Matt and genuinely bonding with him. They run into some more bumpy road when Amani discovers that Matt and Any had sex later in the night after Amani had gone to bed.
With this throuple, we see a range of real problems and ongoing issues that a lot of bi people face, and whether or not reality TV is actually “real”, the situations and conflicts these three people get into are ones that happen in real life. At one point, we even see Any coming out and explaining bisexuality to her grandma.
What I Didn’t Like:
Amani and Any are messy, secretive, explosive, and plenty of other negative bi stereotypes. We see the trio video chatting about how they are polyamorous and bisexual, but insisting that this isn’t some lusty sex kink thing. They say this while they’re doing sexy-time nurse/hospital role-playing. Maybe not the best way to convey the message that poly and bi people aren’t sex-crazed!
Amani doubting Any’s bisexuality was also troubling, though given the the deception and long-distance nature of the relationship, it’s not entirely unfair to question whether the whole thing is a ruse or a sham. I’m not entirely outraged about this, but it still irks me.
Now for my unhinged rage about everything I didn’t like about the bisexuality around Stevi and Mahdi.
OKAY, first off, this couple nearly Pavlov’d me into cringing every time I heard the word bisexual. From early in the season, we see that Stevi is fairly progressive and likes painting naked women. Her fiancé is from Iran, and that comes with a lot of baggage, but he seems to be open-minded. From the get go, this man is on a whole other level of cultural shock, and he seemed to be adjusting better than I had originally predicted. On his first venture in the United States, Stevi takes him to New Orleans, which stuns him. But this isn’t about Mahdi and his conservative Iranian perspective, this is about him, his partner, and bisexuality.
We skip ahead and see them settling in at their home and attempting to ease Mahdi into his new American life. In their home is all of Stevi’s art, which includes many paintings she has made of naked women, and reveals that some of the portraits used real female in-person models. This shocks him, since she didn’t disclose this to him prior. This additionally makes him second-guess her heterosexuality.
As she opens up about more of her art involving more women as in-person models, he asks her directly if she is bisexual. I initially thought this would be a conversation where she would come out and say something along the lines of how she leans towards men but does have a small attraction to women as well and that it would be a no big deal moment where they both would agree to be honest with each other moving forward.
No.
This has been the wildest response of dodging a question that I have seen on reality television for a hot minute. Her response is getting offended and saying she refuses to even answer the question because it is so ridiculous and so uncalled for.
Big sigh. This man is asking an honest question, and I was wondering it myself with how obsessed she is with painting naked women, and she is not even saying no, but completely derailing it all by getting mad and not being open or clear with her fiancé. Also, it very much rubbed me wrong that she was offended at being asked. Girl, bisexual is not a dirty word.
…But then as Mahdi’s bisexual suspicious grow stronger, he continues to ask her over and over. Each time she does something that is certainly a reasonable excuse to try and confirm her sexual orientation, she shuts it down by refusing to answer the question. This annoyed me. If it is clearly that important for the person you’re with to know, then stop playing games and give him a real answer. Stop. You’re just sending him on this crazy ass bisexual witch hunt and it is exhausting for everyone.
That being said, everything sends him over the edge and makes him question her sexuality. Either accept you’re not going to get an answer, or accept that you cannot have clear communication with this person and get out because the communication is trash. In one of the multiple times he is hounding her for an answer, he says to the one-on-one camera that the reason he needs to know is because it goes against his beliefs and he could not be with someone “like that.” This is briefly shown and not repeated or focused on, but I noticed.
I think TLC did a weird thing by promoting a couple that has someone who is anti-LGBT but is with someone who is probably bi. Simultaneously, they really make it a point to not loop him on all the recaps about why her being bi is such a big deal, yet, all the others have him relentlessly asking if Stevi is bisexual or not. Why highlight a bigot when you want to virtue signal all your inclusiveness as a brand but then do this weird plot drama based on her bisexuality, but then cover up the messy reason why it is such a drastic plot point here.
That also means they have potential backlash to having cast someone who is anti-LGBT. For all we know he is “tolerate” of LGBT people but simply doesn’t support their decision to be queer. Ya know, hate the sin, love the sinner.
At no point do we get clarity on Stevi’s sexual orientation. Even during the tell all, Shawn Robinson asks the cast who has kissed a girl to which many raise their hand and have no shame answering. Yet Stevi stay locked down and refuses to answer questions about her history.
It should be noted that I do not think anyone owes anyone proof of bisexuality or having to be out. BUT I do think if you’re going to appear on a very public reality TV show and your main plot point is that you’re probably queer, then you should embrace it or make the producers pick a different arc for you to focus on for your slice of stardom.
The Rating:
How do you rate a dumpsterfire that warms your soul? While the throuple has their issues, it isn’t unrealistic. I liked that they were willing to shine a light and speak authentically about the legitimate hardships faced in a polyamorous bisexual relationship. Amani loves Matt but knows she is poly and bisexual and wants to pour into a relationship with a woman so she can have it all. Other bi people are monogamous and don’t feel the need to have a partner of each sex. Any is a strong, independent badass but her walls are up and she keeps too many secrets. Neither of these women are perfect, but they are trying their best and being true to themselves.
I honestly loved their addition to the series and though it may have been rough at times, it was as real as reality tv can get with portraying actual issues bi-poly people truly face.
As for Stevi and Mahdi. They turned what could have been an enlightening and education conversation into an annoying, nagging plot point. I’m thrilled they aren’t afraid to say the word bisexual, but do something with it.
I would give this season full unicorns, but honestly, the treatment and disgust around bisexuality with Stevi and Mahdi brings it down one. Sorry, but when the trash is unfavorable to the raccoons then it’s just bad.
