Hi Lewis,
As a bi guy, I often feel invisible even within the LGBT community. What can I do to find my place?
Hi James,
Thanks for reaching out and I completely understand how tough this can be. Sadly, feeling invisible or excluded is a common experience for bi people, even in spaces that are meant to be inclusive. But there are some ways I’d recommend to begin to carve out your place:
Wear it!
Visibility starts with being seen. One thing that’s worked for me is wearing bi-themed clothing, like a T-shirt with the word “bisexual” on it or the pride colours. It’s a simple way to show who you are and signal to others in the community. I’ve had so many great conversations with other bi people who approached me after seeing my shirt — it’s a fantastic icebreaker and a reminder that you’re not alone.
Create impact
If you feel excluded in certain LGBT spaces, why not suggest changes? Advocate for a bi-themed event or a bi visibility day in your local club or organisation. It doesn’t have to be big — it’s about creating moments that celebrate and center bi experiences. Things like this can help you feel more connected while also making these spaces more welcoming for others like you.
Keep Talking
Don’t shy away from conversations about your sexuality. Whether it’s sharing your experiences with friends, partners, or within the wider community, the more we talk openly, the more we challenge stereotypes and foster understanding. By being authentic and vocal, you’ll not only feel more comfortable in your identity but also inspire others to do the same.
Ultimately, you deserve to feel seen and valued in every part of the LGBT community. By taking these steps, you can create more space for yourself — and others — to thrive.
Keep me updated
Bisexual people often have few other bi people to turn to for support or to ask questions. This means we often can’t build on the experience of other bi people and improve things for the next generation. Ask a Bi Dad is aimed at tackling this.
Lewis Oakley is one of the leading bi advocates and writers in the UK, campaigning to improve the public’s perception of bisexuality. Recognised by the Pride Power List 2021 and with various award nominations under his belt, Lewis has been successful in making bisexuality national news.
Lewis knows more than most how lonely being bisexual can feel, particularly in those early years. Now, confident in himself, his relationship, and a dad of two, Lewis recognises how rare and lucky he is. This is why he wants to help where he can by answering the questions of bi people from all around the world.
If you have a question that you would like a perspective on, please email to [email protected]. The briefer the email, the more likely I will be able to respond.
*Lewis is not a licenced therapist, and the advice offered in this column is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional advice. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional, psychological, or medical help, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified specialist.