When you’re a gender-bending, drag-performing, bi dad in India, it feels like there’s nothing you can’t do

In 2018, I became one of the first openly bi public figures in India. The funny thing is, I had only just discovered what bisexuality was. I was always aware, on some level, that I was attracted to men as well as women, but in India, the concept of “bisexuality”, as well as the term, was almost entirely absent from the culture.

As a teen, I had a lot of romantic struggles and chaotic relationships. Looking back, I think part of that stemmed from the fact that I had bisexual attractions that I didn’t fully acknowledge, and it played tricks on my psyche and emotions. The path to discovering my sexuality really came through performing drag. Born and raised in the southern city of Hyderabad, I began professionally dancing in Indian classical traditions alongside my family at the age of five. The performances often included gender-bending attire, which both fascinated me and later inspired my interest in drag.

Around 2018, my drag persona, Sas (an abbreviation of my surname Sastry) connected me with the queer community in Hyderabad, and it was moving in those circles that I first encountered bisexuality. That same year, same-sex relationships were decriminalized in India, sparking conversations about LGBT issues across the country. People began to write articles about bisexuality, which is how I discovered the term. Bizarre though it seems now, growing up, it really seemed like people were either straight or gay with nothing in between. The moment I realized there was a third choice, I knew I was bi. And without a threat of legal penalty hanging over LGBT people, some of the pressure was lifted and I felt freer to explore.

A few months later, I outed myself as bi in an interview about my performance art. The piece blew up and circulated across all of India. Soon after, information about my family was uncovered and widely published. So my family was dragged into it, you might say. My parents were amicable and understanding and supported me in every way they could.

Once I was out, I couldn’t help but notice how few other openly bi people there were in India. It’s very common here for bi people who happen to be in opposite-sex relationships to remain in the closet and keep their bisexuality to themselves. It is often seen as preferable to “pass” as a straight person if it is at all possible, simply to make life easier. There also weren’t many bi groups in India. So in 2021, once the height of the pandemic had passed, I organized the Bi/Pan Fest in Hyderabad, one of the first events to celebrate LGBT people in general and bi people in particular. I’ve since helped organize a number of other LGBT events that have begun to grow a bi community in India. I’ve also been trying to create some similar resources to Bi.org, but in Indian languages to help people here.

Having helped to build a network of LGBT people, I also found out what it’s like to cause controversy among them. Several years ago, I married a cisgender straight woman and became the first openly bi artist in India to be in an opposite-sex marriage and have a biological child. Our marriage caused a bit of an uproar in my queer circles. Many felt that the optics of me as a visible queer public figure and a kind of LGBT standard-bearer having a “straight” marriage sent the wrong message. Some people called me out. Others posted hate messages. Things quieted down when my wife became more involved in my queer and bi causes, coming with me to events and speaking up for LGBT rights. In the end, my wife helped open up new conversations that helped grow the community in ways I never could have on my own. And, really, it’s impossible to get to know her and not love her.

The years since I embraced my bisexuality have been a wonderful series of doors opening, each one leading to the next. Life is full of possibilities. Yes, bi erasure and bi invisibility are widespread, but that only gives me a chance to build new spaces and be people’s introduction. It’s a lot of work, but it’s been among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I’m just happy for the opportunity.

If you’d like to share your own bi story, please email us at [email protected].