“Denzel” (2019) is the tenth track on the live album My Old Heart by musical comedian Stephen Lynch. The comedic yet tender ballad depicts a boyfriend confessing to his girlfriend that Denzel Washington is on his celebrity “hall pass” list. A staple of Lynch’s live performances, the song often features playful improvisation during concerts.
The lyrics introduce a couple exchanging lighthearted declarations of love before revealing their respective celebrity crushes’ tacit agreement that, if given the chance, they’d be allowed to sleep with these stars. The girlfriend names a few actors, ending with Denzel. The boyfriend does the same, listing female actors… “and Denzel”. Initially surprised, the girlfriend is met with his earnest reply:
I’m man enough to say Denzel’s a honey
And also, I’m sorry, but I don’t subscribe to the heteronormative idea
That human sexual expression is binary
And one is either gay or straight
But rather that one’s orientation is more fluid
And most people identify between the two extremes on a continuum.
So if I saw Denzel at, like, an airport and he winked at me
And walked into a bathroom stall,
We both know I would follow him inside.
The girlfriend responds with an amused “anyway,” and the two continue listing celebrities, now with the boyfriend gleefully adding more men like Steve Carell and Norman Fell. Rather than mocking bisexuality, the song embraces the character’s queerness, sidestepping punchlines at its expense.
During live shows, Lynch and his backup singer often riff on the song, shortening it for comedic effect (never targeting bisexuality itself) or swapping out celebrity names.
“Denzel” humorously yet thoughtfully explores a familiar dynamic for bi men in relationships with women, balancing vulnerability in coming out with the relief of acceptance. The girlfriend’s unfazed reaction underscores how queerness need not threaten a “straight presenting” partnership. And it does so without making male bisexuality a joke or dismissing it. As such, it is a funny but rather heartwarming and important addition to bi male representation in modern music.