1/13/2017
You've probably heard how actress and model, Amber Rose, in her recent Loveline Podcast, mentioned that she wouldn't feel comfortable dating a bi guy, even though she, herself, dates and is sexually/emotionally attracted to more than one gender.
Rose isn't alone in her unwillingness to date bi men. An early 2016 study by Glamour, which polled 1,015 women ages 18-44, revealed that even though 47 percent of women said they had been attracted to another woman, 63 percent said they wouldn't date a man who has had sex with another man.
The reason why women (and men) refuse to date us bi folks is because they believe several harmful stereotypes. They believe that we can't be monogamous, that we'll inevitably leave them for a person of another gender, that we're confused, or that we're closeted and gay. The list goes on and on, as I'm sure you know.
There is an assumption that there are always additional challenges to dating a bi person.
I remember when I first came out, I thought the world was going to be my oyster. I thought I had DOUBLE the chances of securing a date on a Friday night. I thought I would seamlessly transition between the gay and straight worlds, welcomed by both communities, and all folks would want to date me.
I was so naïve.
But now that I've been out for a few years and have successfully (and unsuccessfully) dated people of multiple genders and sexual orientations, I can safely say I've learned a few things about dating. Here's what I wish I knew before dating as an out bi man:
1. You're not obligated to put "bi" on your dating profiles (but it might help).
You're not obligated to tell someone you're bi prior to going on a date with them. It would also be bizarre if someone asked you on a date, and then you said, Oh, by the way, I'm bi, so if you don't want to date me that's okay. You really don't need to do that.
That said, it can be nerve-wracking when you're on a date with someone and they don't know that you're bi. Because you're nervous about telling them, you can't enjoy the date. You're so worried about how to come out and about whether they're still going to like you afterward that you can't focus on whether or not you actually like them.
Thus in the beginning, until you feel more comfortable about coming out as bi, it's nice to have it stated on your dating profile. That way, you don't have to worry about whether or not they're okay with it. If it's on your profile, they definitely are okay with it. Otherwise, they wouldn't have agreed to a date with you.