Three Ways Porn Perpetuates Misconceptions About Bisexuality

Trigger Warning: This piece includes descriptions of pornography that may be triggering to some readers.

Instead of immediately typing "gay" or "bisexual" into the search bar of the large porn site I use (it proudly boasts of over a million free videos), I decided to scroll through and see what was on their home page. I'm not sure exactly what came over me, but I wanted to see what the "average" person watches. An image caught my eye, and I clicked on the video to see if it was depicting what I thought the thumbnail showed. Indeed it was. The video consisted of a white man, in black face, having violent sex with a black woman in tears. Needless to say, it was intensely offensive, and as I closed the window, I noticed the number of views it had: 48,000.

I'm not going to go on a rant about how porn is the root of all evil. You've heard that story before. I'm more in shock about how we, as a society, have so few critical conversations about pornography, even though nearly every man (and many women) watch it.

Because we live in a sex-negative society, one based on Victorian and Puritan morals that deem open talk about sex taboo, we allow certain things, like having 48,000 men masturbate to a video of a man in black face terrorizing a woman go undiscussed. The sex-talk taboo and the stigma often associated with sexual acts silences us. This silence allows important social issues to go undiscussed, further perpetuating them.

Before I continue, let me say that I know one of the largest appeals of porn is fantasy. You're seeing things that you can't do in real life. You're doing people you'd never see in real life. You're in situations that you'd never be in in real life. This is why pornography can be so satisfying. But when there are no accurate depictions of certain groups of people, or you watch thousands upon thousands of videos of some fantastical thing, you begin to mistake these things as truth. Additionally, after watching thousands of videos of such things, and then orgasming, you're classically conditioning yourself, linking arousal with the fantasy you were watching. This is one reason why erectile dysfunction in young healthy men has been on the rise. Reality no longer is stimulating enough to evoke arousal.

Among the many issues of pornography, the one I'd like to discuss today is the depiction of bisexuality. As a bi man, I tend to watch porn with both men and women. At this point in my life, I've watched literally thousands of videos from various sites, so I think I have a sufficient sample size to discuss how bisexuality is portrayed.

Here are the three most common tropes I've seen in porn tagged as "bisexual", as well as the reasons why they're troublesome.

1. "Turning" Lesbians Straight

What it is: A common theme among bi porn is when a straight man presumably "turns" a gay woman straight. He does this by being "so good" at sex — so utterly superb that her attraction to women disappears entirely, presumably because she's never experienced an orgasm so earth-shatteringly divine.

The problem: Women aren't "turned" straight or gay. Attraction and arousal don't work like that. Additionally, the notion of a man "turning" a woman straight is sexist. Men, in essence, want to conquer women, by being a sex god, controlling women down to their sexuality. You’ll be very hard-pressed to find a video of a woman seducing a gay man and turning him straight.

2. Forced/BDSM

What it is: A man is forced into having sex with another man against his will, in the presence of a dominatrix-esque woman who's telling him exactly what to do. The forced man is squirming, whimpering, and engaging in other physical behavior that shows he's not enjoying the same-sex experience.

The problem: There's nothing inherently wrong with any form of BDSM (bondage sadomasochism) play. BDSM is a safe and healthy outlet for millions of men and women. The issue stems from the fetishization of male same-sex acts, as I'd be willing to bet that the primary watchers of these videos are "straight men", (although I couldn't find exact research to substantiate my claim). There are thousands upon thousands of videos tagged as BDSM and forced bisexual on the Internet. In these videos, fellating a man becomes a fetish. It's something deviant and taboo in the manner that it's portrayed. It's something that any "normal" man shouldn't enjoy or willfully engage in. But of course, sex between men is neither kinky nor a fetish. It's just sex. So the portrayal of male same-sex acts as in some way kinky, fetishizes same-sex attractions.

3. Threesomes/Orgies

What it is: Bi porn primarily exists in threesomes or orgies. There needs to be three or more people in order for it to be considered bi porn.

The problem: Bisexuality is often erased, when, as a bisexual, you're in a relationship with a single person. If you're a man in a relationship with a woman, you're considered straight. If you're a man in a relationship with a man, you're considered gay. According to this logic, a man is only bisexual if he is polyamorous and dating both men and women simultaneously. Only then, as he actively dates a man and woman, is he "truly" bisexual. Of course, this is nonsense. Similarly, often only single people are considered bisexual (because at this point, they're dating and/or sleeping with both sexes). When you're in a committed relationship, all of this disappears. So this perpetuates the stereotypes of having to be actively dating or sexual with men and women in order to be bisexual.

These three tropes in bisexual porn seem to encompass the vast majority of videos tagged as "bisexual." Not all of them — there are some depicting men and women being intimate in a way where no party is objectified, and everyone is enjoying themselves. However, those videos seem to be few and far between.

Let me clarify. I'm not attempting to discourage you from watching porn, but I am encouraging you to consume your pornography consciously. I know that's not the mindset you want to have when you're watching pornography, but there's no question that watching thousands of videos from an impressionable age — linking our pleasure to these distorted videos — will affect us.

Being 25, I'm part of the first generation of men who grew up with high-speed Internet access to porn. My friends and I didn't stick nudie mags underneath our beds. It was a thing of the past by the time I was 12.

My generation, and the ones younger than me, are becoming (if not already are) adults. We're dating men and women, and we're having sex. We're trying to figure out our identity and how we treat the people we date. We're trying to make sense of the world with the rapid changes that occur as a result of the proliferation of technology.

We need to start discussing the impact of Internet pornography immediately, as we're not sure exactly how watching thousands of videos of graphic, explicit, and misrepresenting pornography is going to affect this and future generations.

I'll be honest. I'm not sure how it's going to influence us, but I can safely claim that it's not helping to break down stereotypes about bi people. And while I haven't looked in-depth, I doubt it's doing a service to women, trans folk, and people of color either.