The Unicorn Scale: There Is No I In Threesome

In the past decade, I have seen many films and TV shows that attempted to portray ethical non-monogamy, and I have generally been left dissatisfied. Unfortunately, There Is No I In Threesome (2021), by filmmaker Jan Oliver Lucks, was no different. Here at The Unicorn Scale, however, we focus on evaluating bi media, so I will be concentrating more on that aspect of the film rather than its representation of ethical non-monogamy.

For a reminder on how the Unicorn Scale works, click here, and from here on out, there will be SPOILERS.

There is No I in Threesome is a documentary that follows filmmaker Lucks and his now-ex-girlfriend (portrayed by Natalie Medlock) as they attempt to navigate an open relationship and later polyamory. We learn that Lucks felt he needed an opportunity to explore his sexuality (with men as well as women), something he had missed during his college years. As many who have gone down this path know, opening up a relationship is often more complicated than anticipated, and this story showed that.

What I Liked:

On the whole, I loved this movie. The level of intimacy and vulnerability Lucks pours onto the screen made me truly invested from the get-go. I loved seeing that spark of rejuvenation and exploration that both of the characters develop regarding their new open relationship. A line I’m particularly fond of was, “You can be more versions of yourself with different partners”, which perfectly encapsulates what first drew my interest in polyamory.

The film does a good job of showing the doors that polyamory can open in life without shying away from the real difficulties it can bring as well, all while still having a trusting partner by your side. It serves as a useful introduction to what ethical non-monogamy looks like for some people.

What brought Threesome to another level for me is that Oliver Lucks mentions, casually and without a big fuss, that he is a bisexual man. All of a sudden I was more interested. If you have been reading other Unicorn Scales, or watching any bi media, you probably know that it’s a huge deal to see a man recognizing his bisexuality on-screen. The fact that this is not a moment of trauma or a wrenching revelation makes it even nicer. Lucks is bi, no biggie, and that's wonderful.

Actress Natalie Medlock portrays Lucks' girlfriend (we never learn her real name for privacy reasons). The two started the film project together, however, she left once they broke up before the film could be finished. Lucks invited Natalie to co-write and recreate the documentary based on the recordings Lucks made in real life. Medlocks' character appears to be a bisexual woman, though she never talks about it. We do see her kissing another woman and engaging in a threesome with Lucks and another woman.

What I Didn’t Like:

I wish we had seen their bisexuality explored more throughout the film rather than limited to a couple of scenes. (However, we don't necessarily need to see people “being” bi, just take them at their word! They know themselves better than you.) I am grateful that the film at least mentions the word “bisexual” rather than merely hinting at it, which is common when seeing bi folks represented in media.

What I found disappointing was the final message of the movie. Through their polyamorous experiment, the girlfriend meets and falls in love with another man, ultimately leaving Locks. I was left feeling like the moral of the story is that polyamory will inevitably ruin your relationship.

It's not the responsibility of every film about non-monogamy to portray it accurately or in a positive light, but it would be a refreshing change of pace to see it every now and then. The dominant narrative of polyamory as chaotic, messy, and ultimately destructive ignores the many wonderful non-monogamous relationships out there. By blaming a lack of monogamy for relationship failure, it ignores the many other reasons why relationships (including monogamous ones) often fail. Feelings change, circumstances change, people change, and relationships end. But to condemn ethical non-monogamy as the sole cause of the breakup in Threesome, or as a relationship paradigm that simply doesn’t work is both conformist and inaccurate.

Lucks does admit that their relationship wasn’t strong enough to try polyamory, and when reading up on what Lucks' intentions were with the documentary, I came across what he really thought about polyamory: “I think polyamory can work but you have to have a lot of patience, time and good communication skills.” Exactly! I would’ve loved to see this insight explored in the film. It’s not so much that the film needed a happy ending, but just as his bisexuality was casually mentioned, a casual mention that polyamory works for some people would have been appreciated.

The Rating:

In terms of bi representation, this movie hits the marks I needed to see to give them 4 Unicorns. They made use of the word “bi” and displayed how a bisexual person could be without using it to make the characters more interesting. The film is a representation of what could happen in a relationship that practices ethical non-monogamy, but it certainly isn’t what always happens in them.