The Bi Line: Pride Is For Us Too

Every year without fail, there is an onslaught of commentary by gays and lesbians who think that bi people shouldn't be included in Pride. Those who not only embrace and celebrate their bisexual identity but do so while in relationships with partners of a different gender are especially targeted. Pride, apparently, is only for people in homonormative relationships.

This exclusion is motivated, in part, by the idea that bi people enjoy so-called "heterosexual privilege". This idea stems from a superficial and reductive line of thinking that fails to account for bi experiences and for the complexities of LGBT history. In fact, Pride is, always has been and always will be for the bi community too.

Bi activist Brenda Howard (1946–2005) is credited with helping to coordinate the Christopher Street Liberation Day march that inspired the event we now call Pride. Howard, who was affectionately known as the Mother of Pride, was in a long-term relationship with Larry Nelson, a cisgender man who continues to celebrate Brenda's legacy today.

Brenda's and Larry's relationship was anything but straight. Their love, like that of most bi people, was deeply queer. Most of the male–female relationships I've encountered in queer spaces are less normative than those of many gay couples. Many same-sex relationships are mirror images of heterosexual ones, which they resemble in every way, except for the gender of the partners concerned. Bi couples often defy such binaries. Bi relationships are inherently queer, then, and, in addition, many bi people accommodate their bisexuality by queering their opposite-sex relationships even more, through polyamory, kink, open relationships and unconventional sexual roles. Such bi relationships are very far from being merely straight.

In addition, the bi community is diverse, with a disproportionate share of people of color. Lots of bi people are genderqueer, non-binary or transgender and therefore aren't in obviously male–female relationships. Many such relationships are openly and visibly queer.

But bi people shouldn't have to be visibly queer in order to be included. The misunderstanding that bi people enjoy heterosexual privilege is based on the idea that they can and perhaps should return to the closet. As a result, many bi people lack a community and face the dual stress of both anti-LGBT sentiments and anti-bi prejudice. And many are unsure whether it is safe to out themselves.

Perhaps part of the problem is the obvious shortage of bi spaces. Bi people do have some community spaces, but these are less visible than gay, lesbian and even trans spaces.

Luckily, though, bi people have a handful of organizations and conferences and many local events to bring us together.

The bisexual community is at its most present and active online. We've created robust networks that provide a life-saving, affirming community at our fingertips. Lesbians and gays rarely know these spaces exist. If they visited them, that would quickly dispel the idea that bisexuality is somehow less queer.

Bisexuality is inherently queer. Pride is embedded into our bi history, a history created in part by our elders. Our community spaces, both local and online, affirm our queerness. And all this gives us the strength to face the monosexism we encounter every single year when we attend Pride festivals with the bi flag in our hands and claim our queer birthright as children of Pride.