Ask A Bi Dad: The Man I'm Dating Just Came Out to Me

By Lewis Oakley

December 28, 2021



Photo credit: Pexels/Greta Hoffman

Hi Lewis,

I am a straight woman in her 50’s. I’ve met a guy I really like online, we haven’t met yet but I like him a lot. He has just told me that he is bisexual! I have no idea what to think, feel, or do. Can you give me some advice, please?


A middle aged latin woman smiles while working on her laptop on her couch with a finger pointing outwards.

Hey Patty

From my perspective, go for it. Why would him being bi be a turn-off? I’m guessing you haven’t dated a bi person before and the unknown can be scary. But why not explore what a bi guy has to offer?

There is research that shows a lot of straight women who date bi men actually say they couldn’t go back to dating straight men. So there are a lot of success stories. It’s just we never hear about them.

If there are red lines you’re worried about (monogamy is one of the most common) then just ask him. See what he thinks a relationship should look and feel like. Does it match what you want?

The only reason I would say don’t go for it is if you will always see his bisexuality as a negative/drawback. He deserves to be loved and celebrated for all of who he is by a partner. If you can’t do that it’s probably not healthy for either of you.

There’s never any harm in talking so I would say keep the conversation going. See if you connect in person. You’ll know what to do when the time is right.


Lewis Oakley standing confidently and smiling against a brick building.

Bisexual people often have few other bi people to turn to for support or to ask questions. This means we often can’t build on the experience of other bi people and improve things for the next generation. Ask a Bi Dad is aimed at tackling this.

Lewis Oakley is one of the leading bi advocates and writers in the UK, campaigning to improve the public’s perception of bisexuality. Recognised by the Pride Power List 2021 and with various award nominations under his belt, Lewis has been successful in making bisexuality national news.

Lewis knows more than most how lonely being bisexual can feel, particularly in those early years. Now, confident in himself, his relationship, and a dad of two, Lewis recognises how rare and lucky he is. This is why he wants to help where he can by answering the questions of bi people from all around the world.

If you have a question that you would like a perspective on, email at [email protected]

*Lewis is not a licenced therapist, and the advice offered in this column is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional advice. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional, psychological, or medical help, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified specialist.