The Power of Affirmation

I recently moved to another city for work. The change in scenery works perfectly for me because I'm currently changing my mindset and habits as well. I even had to purchase a new phone because my old one burst into flames as I was replacing the battery. Although buying a new cell phone cost me something, it allowed me the chance to start fresh; I lost all of my contacts and had to get a different number. I figure that a novel environment deserves a modification of my social circle. It's funny because this incident reminded me of how we memorize the numbers of those we hold dear. One of these contacts that stuck to my memory belongs to a person who will remain anonymous because they're not open about their sexuality. However, he came out to me as bi during a random phone call that happened when I was contacting individuals from my list of memorized numbers. 

What made the call even better was that I came out to him as well. Two men who grew up together felt safe enough to be whole around one another: an unforgettable moment. Our conversation was elevated after that point because we were able to talk about so many things; nothing was off the table. We laughed at the fact that we used to brag to each other about sleeping with voluptuous women, as we were both unaware of our bisexuality. That random phone call that led to one of the most wholesome conversations that I've had sparked a question in my mind. What is the power of affirmation?

Validate, confirm, and to state positively are some ways affirm is defined in Webster's dictionary. These descriptors also accurately reflect the nature of the phone call that I shared with my fellow bi comrade.

I know I am regurgitating a common sentiment, but it felt amazing when someone else recognized, believed, and co-signed my experiences and existence. The feeling was even better when that recognition came from another bi man. Please do not misinterpret what I'm trying to say; I am bi, and the thoughts of others don't amplify or diminish my bisexuality. However, I'd be lying if I said that hearing your narrative come out of someone else's mouth isn't therapeutic. My nose will also get long if I deny the great feeling that comes when the joys and pains that come with being bi become a medium for us to say to each other, "I know what you mean". J.R. Yussuf, the author and essayist, created the hashtag #bisexualmenspeak for this exact reason. Yussuf wanted to construct a sanctuary where bi men and masculine-identified individuals can speak on experiences that are unique to our demographic.

Bi people live in a world that tells us that we are indecisive on a good day. I will save you the bad memories by omitting frequent disrespectful things that I've heard or experienced regularly. Affirmation is not the end goal, and it is certainly not a requirement for our sexual identity to be legitimate. However, affirming one another is important because it does wonders when you can discuss, laugh, cry, debate, and bond over experiences that sometimes feel exclusive to only you. 

I understand that opportunities for finding a space that allows dialogue might not be equal for everybody. After all, my only experience came over a long-distance call. But never sell small moments short. The opportunity for a lifelong friend and I to come out to each other and discuss our sexualities was priceless. Find a way that grants you the space to talk and listen. There is no wrong method of accomplishing this form of self-care — support groups, social media, and forums are some of the many ways you can engage with other bi folks.

Martin Duberman, the legendary historian and playwright, understands the odds that the bi community faces. He writes, 

There’s even less acceptance of bisexuality than homosexuality. Binary thinking still holds strong sway with the general population, and the exclusive homosexual is more understandable to the average person than is an individual who wanders the Kinsey scale with apparent — and alarming — abandon.

Duberman highlights a particular plight experienced by bi people, which is ironic because he is a gay man. While binary thinking holds sway with everyone else, bi  people need to take care of each other by validating and confirming one another.

The phone call that I had with my friend will most likely have an even more positive impact on me than I'm aware of now. Coming out is always beautiful, but exchanging glimpses of our experiences that match the memory of another is magical. Great success in our lives happens through small victories. People's definition of what success is in regards to embracing your bisexuality varies. However, we can all agree that affirmation is one of the small victories of that success.