The Mini Unicorn Scale: Volume 1

Howdy, Unicorn readers! How’s everyone’s summer going? Are you taking care of that sunburn? I got a nasty one at Pride this year myself. Make sure to apply aloe and, keep an eye on it. Talk to the dermatologist if anything looks amiss. But I’m sure for now, just remember everyone peels. Lizzo even documented her sunburn as it progressed! So if nothing else, you’re in good company.

Now that we’ve taken care of that crispy business, let’s talk about some of the good stuff about summer. I love to put together a new playlist each year, and — you know me — I wanted to queer it up. Shocker, I know.

So as I curated a post-Pride playlist, I noticed I had unearthed a bumper crop of bi anthems. Not only that, but I had always wanted to take on the Unicorn Scale for non-TV/film fronts. This seemed like the perfect opportunity!

So with this first volume of the series, I will give brief summaries since we are mostly looking at pop ditties. SPOILERS ahoy, but there’s good news — I will likely just post media (whenever possible) along with my hot takes so everyone can play along. Oh, and if you need a reminder of the metric, head on over to the original metric if you need a refresher — or are brand spanking new here and wanna know how I am gauging this bi media.

Oh, one more thing. If you were looking/hoping for a specific song but I didn’t name it? No problem. Drop me a tweet @JennieRoberson and I’ll do my darnedest to include it later in the series.

All right, fire up those (digital) mixtapes!

1. Hozier, “Someone New” music video

The video focuses on a sexy but lonely Natalie Dormer (AKA the smirk that launched a thousand queer awakenings). Natalie and her undercut venture out for a night about town. While she catches many an eye, she continually focuses on and fantasizes about being with the people that often never see her. While her imagination is vivid and erotic, Natalie’s character never actually engages with any of the potential lovers — who often are already engaged in other romantic encounters. What’s key to this video is that Natalie’s fantasies do not just focus on men. There are distinct moments where she stares at women, or her brain wargs into a Sapphic flirtation she passes by.

However, what is tougher to digest is the song’s theme and how the music video interprets its meaning. “Someone New’s” central conflict is the singer explaining to his partner his flitting interests (and possible regretful one night stand) with people outside of their relationship (a song which, Hozier clarified during a concert, he wrote with an ex) Natalie’s character lacks that attachment, since she starts and ends the visual story alone. But not only does she imagine herself stealing almost every relationship she peeps, she seems to have no discerning taste — anyone she stares at for more than a few seconds becomes a subject of mental lust. Maybe I’m being pedantic, but I worry this type of representation can perpetuate the stereotypes that bis are 1) selfish, 2) disrespectful of relationships, and 3) greedy.

2. Torrey Mercer, “Boys/Girls”

Confession: I probably have a personal bias with this song — I know the singer/songwriter, work with the location where the video was shot, and love the ditty so much I volunteered to be in the B-Roll music video (see if you can spot me!)

While the song is only about a year old, “Boys/Girls” is a certified bop, clocking in over 55,000 streams on Spotify. Mercer is a queer artist singing all about the joys of being attracted to more than one gender, her eponymous character imagining a cute, animated response to an attempted pick-up at a party. Mercer has personal experience with this type of encounter like many bi people do, so she wanted to write a whole song about it. 

I love how the song’s plot has a surprise turn, not only listing the fun parts of dating more than one gender, but asserting that Mercer digs “boys, girls, and in-between/I like all of the above”. Since the bi label often gets erroneously dismissed as transphobic, this line is crucial in underlining that the character’s attractions don’t follow the gender binary, which adds even more depth to the lyrics.

This is a bubbly bi anthem sung by a queer artist, and even ends with the failed paramour giving a thumbs-up when Mercer corrects his heteronormative assumptions. What’s not to love?

3. ERDEM x H&M: “The Secret Life of Flowers” by Baz Luhrmann

Oh, I have a lot of complicated feelings about this short film. Luhrmann follows ERDEM and his flirtatious male friend through a wintry English countryside to a Miss Havisham-like country mansion, overstuffed with flowers and …. wait a minute … incestuous sexual tension?

Sure, this is a fashion film, and Luhrmann is a fitting director for the excess of springtime bursting through mansion walls to show off romantic floral patterns. But to have the romantic love triangle get set up between Erdem, his male friend, and his friend’s sister? What is he trying to say about bisexuality? That the madam’s blessings and saying she has “no preference” and loves “wildness and spontaneity” includes making eyes at a brother and a sister at the same time? And when Erdem does choose a partner (and gets caught making out with them), there’s no show of apology or remorse — or even tact. The final image has all of them splayed on a bed of roses, assuming since Erdem is resting his head on his buddy’s belly that all’s well that ends well.

At minimum, this tale is missing a crucial scene. But seriously, was there no queer person anywhere in the production, from concept to execution, that said: “Hey, maybe don’t paint bis this way?”

Hard pass.

4. Tove Lo, “Habits (Stay High)”

This sleeper hit from 2014 follows our songstress/heroine as she binges of booze, sex, and Twinkies to numb herself from the pain of a breakup. Who can’t relate to that?

In an interesting juxtaposition to “Someone New,” here we are catching the singer/songwriter at the nasty and self-obliterating end of a breakup — including multiple snogs with men and women alike. On an artistic front, I loved the immediacy and stacked close-ups of vices and sins that come with the sensory hyper-awareness of a bender post-split – it added a level of verisimilitude to the storytelling.

At first I thought the use of making out with women in the clubs was a queerbaiting tactic (more on that in the next entry), but Lo is proudly, unabashedly bi, and this music video makes damn sure everyone knows it. While the Swedish chanteuse doesn’t use the term “bi” in the song, her attractions to multiple genders is clear, and the lack of using any gender pronouns in the lyrics makes the ditty a universal one about heartache — and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to.

5. Katy Perry, “I Kissed A Girl”

This one is a little tricky. It may be the bi-curious anthem of the 21^st century, but it’s also problematic. Yes, it was one of the first openly LGBTI themed songs to hit the national airwaves of the 2000s (getting released despite the record label’s hesitations), and its popularity formed a watershed moment for queer pop music. But it is also hopelessly focused on the male gaze. Perry’s character does this “experiment” in the club, and doesn’t get consent from her boyfriend (or possibly the girl she kisses?) before making out with a nameless stranger. Speaking from personal experience, this song’s release is when I really started hearing the “she just does it for attention” trope of bi erasure.

So thanks but no thanks, Katy. Catchy but performative queerbait.

6. R.E.M., “Nightswimming”

Finally, I thought it would be fitting to end this playlist with a nostalgic song about skinny dipping, reminding us “September’s coming soon”. At first I didn’t scan this as a bi song remembering the last gasp of summer. But then I realized, much like “Habits (Stay High)”, songwriter and lead singer Michael Stipe never mentions a specific gender. The other teens in the memory song are only referred to as “they” and “these people”. And this song is all about risk. 

What’s more risky than a queer boy in the 80s going for a late-night dip, forgetting his shirt, and making sure his friends don’t see him in the water? With that reading, this comes across as some fantastic coded lyric writing. While Stipe doesn’t use the term “bisexual” to describe himself (but, rather, an “equal opportunity lech”), his relationships with people of multiple genders definitely showcases this song as one about teenage risk-taking written by a queer artist.

And that’s what I have for now! This is more like a Side A list, but don’t worry — I’ll be back with B side in September. Tune in next month for another volume of bi-centric music and media. In the meantime, stay cool, apply that aloe vera, and have a bi-tastic summer!