Well hey there, my bodacious bi bookworms! It’s my favorite time of year — fall/Halloween! Around here I call it “falloween” and start decorating in September, draping cobwebs and pumpkin spicing up my joint. There’s a reason the hashtag #SpookyBi exists — and I definitely fit the stereotype.
So during the month of October, not only do I fill my place with ghoulish delights, I also switch my entertainment to all things “spoopy” and horror-filled. Yup, it’s 31 days of Halloween around here, from the films, shows, and music right down to the library. That, of course, includes the works of Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, so when I found out that the Queen of Halloween herself — aka Cassandra Peterson — was debuting an autobiography this autumn, it shot right to the top of my reading list. When I found out that within those pages Peterson came out as bi, I knew I needed to review it for this column.
Before I go into deeper detail about the features of her memoir, there will be SPOILERS in this review (but trust me — Peterson has lived so much life there’s no way my review will touch on all the fascinating tales she divulges). The memoir also contains plenty of adult themes, so be aware.
For those who are not familiar with this icon of the macabre, Elvira is a comedic creation of Cassandra Peterson, who had been a hostess of late-night horror film reruns on a Southern California television channel. The character became so popular that Peterson expanded her into a lasting franchise, including her own product lines, theatrical shows, appearances in other films and shows, as well as a few of her own motion pictures. Elvira has been dubbed the “Queen of Halloween” and cemented a career and legacy lasting over 40 years. In Yours Cruelly, Elvira (2021), Peterson delves insightfully into the details of her storied life, both before and after the Mistress of the Dark.
As I said before, it’s impossible to spoil all of the contents of Peterson’s memoir because she had lived approximately five book-worthy lives before Elvira was even in the picture. Despite growing up in Kansas and Colorado as a burn-scarred, accordion-playing ugly duckling, Peterson eventually found herself working as a Vegas showgirl early on. If you think being a virgin groupie, an underage go-go dancer paid by Uncle Sam to perform for the troops, and getting to first base with a host of historical figures can’t all happen in the same lifetime, then you haven’t learned about Peterson’s life before Elvira.
Her prose is chock-full of humor, wry observations, and lurid stories of a young woman sucking the marrow out of life across multiple countries with energy to spare and a fire to keep her going toward whatever dream crossed her mind. This is a comedian who has made Sammy Davis Junior double over in laughter and made out with Elvis and Jimi Hendrix (sadly not at the same time). And all of this happened before Peterson even joined the trailblazing Groundlings comedy troupe.
Peterson has a gift for writing both casually and captivatingly, whether she’s discussing shocking encounters with sexual harassment or even grisly matters that have haunted her steps. But if Elvira fans are concerned they won’t get a whole passel of stories about the creation of Elvira, or behind-the-scenes insights, or a front-row seat to the creation of an eerie empire, let me dispel that now: This is an all-access pass. Peterson goes over the good, the bad, and the court appearances. By the end of Yours Cruelly, I had more than a working knowledge of how the brand came to be — and how it has endured for nearly half a century.
Okay, okay, I can hear the clamoring from here for the answer to the big question: Does Peterson come out as bi? The author does not use that word, no. But it’s clear from her stories and her described marriages and partnerships that she is attracted to both men and her current partner, Theresa (or T, for short). Her attraction to T came as a surprise to herself since it came later in her life (and after an emotionally abusive marriage), but that doesn’t make it any less real. While she goes through a lot of contemplation about her newfound attractions (though given her descriptions of fellow showgirls — they may be more newly discovered than new), she ultimately decides that labels don’t matter as long as she loves who she loves. As someone who has been half in love with Elvira since I was, oh, five, I wish I could give T a high five.
I hesitate to go into much more detail because I don’t want to spoil the bulk of Peterson’s memoir (seriously — I didn’t even cover the part where she lived in a tree for a year!), but suffice to say this review only scratched the surface of her illustrious life. Yours Cruelly is an absolutely delightful, devilish read of a life well-lived, by perhaps the most #boosexual comedian of all time. I recommend it for spooky season and well beyond.
So, until next time my #boosexual bookworms...
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