Hi Lewis,
So, I’m facing a dilemma.
I’m the CEO of a large company, and I’m bisexual. I’ve been openly bi to my partner, our children, and friends for years. But at work, I’ve only ever shared that part of myself with a few close colleagues.
Recently, I was interviewed for an upcoming book about LGBT leaders breaking barriers in corporate spaces. The book will be published later this year, and once it’s out, it will be public knowledge that I’m bi.
I’m fine with that — I’ve always been comfortable in my identity, and I’m not ashamed of who I am.
That said, I’m now grappling with how (or whether) to address this proactively within my professional network. A grand announcement feels unnecessary because I feel it would put undue emphasis on my sexuality, which isn’t the most important thing about me at work. I’m proud of who I am, but I also don’t want this to become a defining headline in a corporate context.
Should I post about it on LinkedIn when the book comes out? Or should I quietly let my board or shareholders know in advance?
Thanks,
Mark
Hi Mark,
Thanks for getting in touch, and congratulations on telling your story in this book. I always think it’s so important for people to be visible in a way that’s authentic to them.
In fact, from everything you’ve said, it sounds like you’re in a really good place with your identity. You’re not keeping it a secret, but you’re also not putting your bisexuality front and centre at work. It is so important to define how “out” you want to be.
If I were you, I’d lean into how you feel. Go for something in the vibe of “I’m not hiding this, but it’s also not the most important thing about me”. Seems like the idea of an email or LinkedIn post that ties into other things and is not entirely focused on your coming out is what will make you feel most comfortable.
One idea that comes to mind is tying it to Bi Visibility Day in September. Even if you’re not one for making a fuss, that day is about something pretty universal: being seen. A low-key post on LinkedIn could acknowledge that — maybe with a line like “Bi Visibility Day: a day I wouldn’t normally make a big deal of, but still one that reminds me how important it is to be seen.” You could then casually mention that you’ve contributed to a forthcoming book on LGBT leadership, and that your story includes being openly bi.
This way, you’re staying true to how you feel — not hiding, not overselling. Just showing up as yourself. That’s what leadership looks like.
You could also let people know that you’re open to questions if they have any. Not in a way that invites debate or scrutiny, but in the spirit of openness and support. Sometimes it’s enough just to say, “If anyone wants to ask me anything, I’m happy to talk.” That kind of availability often goes a long way in creating a culture where others feel they can be themselves too.
Let me know how you get on.
Lewis
Bisexual people often have few other bi people to turn to for support or to ask questions. This means we often can’t build on the experience of other bi people and improve things for the next generation. Ask a Bi Dad is aimed at tackling this.
Lewis Oakley is one of the leading bi advocates and writers in the UK, campaigning to improve the public’s perception of bisexuality. Recognised by the Pride Power List 2021 and with various award nominations under his belt, Lewis has been successful in making bisexuality national news.
Lewis knows more than most how lonely being bisexual can feel, particularly in those early years. Now, confident in himself, his relationship, and a dad of two, Lewis recognises how rare and lucky he is. This is why he wants to help where he can by answering the questions of bi people from all around the world.
If you have a question that you would like a perspective on, please email to [email protected]. The briefer the email, the more likely I will be able to respond.
*Lewis is not a licenced therapist, and the advice offered in this column is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional advice. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional, psychological, or medical help, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified specialist.