It Took Me a While to Accept Myself, Now I Know to Give Others Grace Too

For many years, I lived with a truth that I chose to hide, even from myself. Since I was young, I knew I liked women, but I wasn’t ready to face it. Instead of admitting I felt attraction, I disguised it as “admiration”. I would say I was fascinated by them when, in reality, it was something much deeper.

I vividly remember when, at nine or ten years old, my mom asked me if I liked women. It took me by surprise, and though part of me wanted to shout “Yes!” — fear won. I told her no, and I continued to deny it for a long time. Denying it was easier than accepting the truth and everything it implied.

As the years went by, I began to notice that I didn’t have to hide any more. My environment started to change; the people around me became more open, and little by little, I allowed myself to stop “playing dumb”. It was a gradual process, but eventually, I accepted what I had always known: I’m bi.

Coming out wasn’t a dramatic or epic moment, as I might have imagined it would be. In fact, it happened during the pandemic when the world seemed to have come to a halt. I told my friends, and their response reassured me: “Tell us something we don’t know.” With my family, however, it was more complicated. My mom took time to process it, which I understood because, for years, she had an image of me, certain expectations for my life, and this revelation didn’t fit with what she had imagined. I remember a key moment that deeply impacted me. After several months of being out, my patience wore thin one day, and I said to her, “Why is it so hard for you to accept me? It’s not that complicated, this is who I am.” And her response was so honest that it paralyzed me: “If you didn’t accept yourself for so many years, give me a little grace to process it too.”

That sentence completely changed my perspective. My mother was right: I had taken years to accept who I am, so how could I demand that she do it in the blink of an eye? It’s a process, and though the journey is sometimes uncomfortable or painful, it’s also human. I realized that just like I needed time to know and accept myself, the people around us also deserve that space to process and learn.

Throughout this journey, I’ve learned that self-acceptance is the most important step, even more so than seeking others’ approval. If you don’t accept yourself, it’s hard to navigate external rejection or misunderstanding. The key is to give yourself grace to make mistakes, to doubt, to not have everything figured out right away. No one else can walk that path for you, and once you feel comfortable with who you are, the rest of the world matters a little less.

In the end, I had more support than I expected, and that made me feel incredibly fortunate. As for my work, I never felt the need to put my sexual orientation on the table, but it’s also true that I’ve been lucky. I work in Spain, where the environment is more inclusive than in Mexico, where I’ve also worked. My boss is a lesbian, and many women in positions of power in my environment are also part of the LGBT community, which has always given me a sense of safety.

Bisexuality is fluid, and I firmly believe it’s important not to confine yourself to rigid labels if you don’t identify with them 100%. My own process has led me to understand that sexuality isn’t something static, and I’ve learned to embrace that fluidity in my life. Who I am now may evolve and change, and that’s okay.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned on this journey, it’s that self-knowledge is a powerful tool. Accepting my bisexuality has made me more resilient. Every day I discover more about myself, and that has made me stronger. Now I know it’s not about fitting into a label or meeting others’ expectations but about accepting and embracing who I truly am.

If I could give advice to someone just starting to explore their bisexuality, it would be this: everything is going to be okay. You may not find acceptance everywhere, but there will always be a place where you feel understood. The most important thing is to accept yourself first, because that will make the whole process much easier.

If I could go back in time, I would tell myself: there was no need to hide this part of you for so long. I wish I could have accepted myself sooner, without fear, without doubts. But at the same time, I understand that every step I took, no matter how big or small, led me here. Now, I can finally say I accept who I am today and welcome the changes to come in the future. And though being bi doesn’t define everything I am, it’s a fundamental part of me that I will never hide again.

If you’d like to share your own bi story, please email us at [email protected].