There are a lot of wonderful things about the month of July: Fireworks, warm weather, Tom Hanks’ birthday — though there has, as yet, been no response from the Senate to my petition to make the latter date an official holiday.
However, July also means the end of the best time of the year: June, aka Pride month. Ever since the first Pride parade in 1970, June has been a time for members of the LGBT community to come together and celebrate their delicious queerness. It is a time of joy and acceptance, which is gaining increasing recognition from mainstream culture with every passing year.
But after the heady highs of parades and parties comes the aftermath, which can be difficult for the LGBT community — and especially the bi community — to grapple with. Sure, with each new season of this golden age of television we are getting more media representation — but it’s still rough to go from celebration back to the same-old same-old. So how do we counter that problem?
Half of the battle is identifying the pattern itself. There is a term from the world of burlesque that captures a similar disappointment well: “glitter crash” — the blues that hit after the rush of performance. I suggest we borrow that metaphor and call the phenomenon the Rainbow Crash.
So now that we have a name for those unmoored feelings that can arise from the abrupt end of Pride, what can we do about them? I’ve put together a go-to list of tips and tricks to help keep the feeling of Pride alive well beyond June 30th.
I recognize that not everyone feels safe being fully out, even during Pride. I acknowledge your struggle. Please know that you and your sexuality are still valid even when you are not shouting about it from the rooftops, but just living your life and trying to survive. But I hope that you too can find solace in some of these suggestions and can safely practice them as needed.
Let’s take the Maslow’s hierarchy of needs approach to the Rainbow Crash.
1. Take care of your basic needs
When you’re feeling down, it’s tempting to sleep in, drink too much, and order Postmates delivery instead of eating healthy food. But we have to take care of our bodies. So drink water and eat your greens. Put the phone down an hour before bedtime to get that blue light out of your brain. Plug it in on the other side of the room so that you have to get out of bed to turn it off in the morning. And no, you don’t “need” that second glass of wine tonight: that’ll only end in tears and you know it.
2. Feel your feelings, but don’t wallow in them
I know how disappointing it can be to have to return to your regular life — which might have no rainbows in it at all. Take all the space you need to process your frustrations and sadness. Meditate if you need to: there are apps for that. Go for long walks in the dusk.
But recognize when you are getting caught up in a self-indulgent feedback loop. This looks different for everyone, so it can be difficult to pinpoint exactly when you have overstepped the mark. But if you think you might have reached that place, try asking yourself: if your best friend was in the same situation, would you step in to help them snap out of it?
This is a fraught subject because members of the queer community are more likely to develop mental health issues than straight people. This whole topic can be particularly tough for bi people, as many of us experience inordinate amounts of exclusion and erasure from the LGBT community — even (in fact, often especially) during Pride. You might find it cathartic to talk about your emotions with a queer-friendly licensed therapist. It’s good to talk to someone who is there to help.
3. Seek out other things that make you happy, unconnected to Pride
As this article reminds us, there are many things that can instill joy. Pet a cat, dog or animal of your choice. Visit a beach, lake, or river and skip some stones. Grab a coffee or tea with a friend you’ve been meaning to catch up with for ages. Visit a museum. Throw an impromptu potluck or movie night with your closest buddies.
The important thing is to engage with people and things that get you out of your head — and hopefully out of your apartment. Because depression loves to play ping-pong with you when you’re trapped within your own four walls.
4. Join a queer group with shared interests
Sometimes, it is important just to be around your peeps so you can keep your sense of community alive beyond Pride. Join a discussion group or a hiking meetup. If you don’t live in a major urban hub there might not be many in-person groups near you, but you can always join an online bi discussion forum — even if you just want to bitch about how you wish it could be Pride all year long. The camaraderie these groups provide can be a great relief.
5. Don’t forget to retain a sense of humor
There is a lot to process nowadays, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have fun while doing so. Humor can help you find perspective.
The internet can be a great source of jokes. Here are two that made me giggle.
Pride month may be over but fear not!
— The Gay Burn Book (@SouthernHomo) June 30, 2018
June: LGBT Pride 🌈
July: LGBT Wrath 😈
Aug: LGBT Lust 💋
Sept: LGBT Greed 💍
Oct: LGBT Envy 💁
Nov: LGBT Gluttony 🤰
Dec-May: LGBT Sloth 💤
I bet you can find more. Feel free to tweet them out and tag me — I love to add things to my “queer humor” folder!
6. Read up on queer history
Knowledge is power. It feels good to know about our roots and it helps to have facts at our fingertips whenever we come up against bi-erasing bigots. I really feel as though I am channeling the power of my ancestors whenever I stand up for bi visibility at Pride or at any other time of the year.
Two history books I especially recommend are Stonewall by David Carter, and We Are Everywhere: Protest, Power, and Pride in the History of Queer Liberation by Matthew Riemer and Leighton Brown
7. Stay visible (at your own comfort level)
I do not want anyone to endanger themselves. But I do encourage you to be willing to speak up about your own history and to stick up for bi people and other members of our marginalized community wherever and whenever you can. You don’t have to be as obnoxious about it as I am, but if you are able to stick up for our community you can inspire other people. You never know when someone closeted may be listening: your words could help them find the courage to be more open about who they are now or in the future. Zachary Zane talks about different levels of visibility here and offers suggestions as to how you can continue to be visible beyond the month of June.
8. Take in bi representation
There is plenty of media to binge watch. See our Unicorn Scale for suggestions. You could drool over Rosa Diaz in Brooklyn Nine-Nine or debate which is better: the book or the movie adaptation of Call Me By Your Name. Maybe suggest discussing bi books and films in that new online forum or real-life book group you’ve recently joined.
9. Donate
One of the best ways to keep myself motivated post-Pride is to volunteer — and there are plenty of ways to make it fun. Donate your money or your time to a queer non-profit group you believe in. Maybe provide snacks for a queer meetup. If you don’t have the spoons to participate in person, volunteer to help out on the digital front by maintaining online contact lists. Volunteer organizations will always find a way for you to contribute that plays to your strengths.
10. Celebrate Tom Hanks’ birthday
He’s an ally and a good dude — and he’s rich enough that you don’t have to check his Amazon wish list for birthday presents — he’s got it covered. Just eat a cinnamon roll and watch your favorite Hanks film.
Because Tom Hanks loves you. And I love you. We’ll get through this together.
Now let’s all go and watch A League Of Their Own. And don’t forget to look out for my “National Tom Hanks Day” petition in your mailbox.
Comments
Facebook Comments