Hello, Unicorns! I need to start off with an apology, and two ways I wanna make things up to you: I said in my last entry I was going to put together volumes by themes for the rest of the year. But, like many New Year's Resolutions, that just ain't gonna happen. Apologies, fam.
So I wanted to do two different things:
1. I finally made a playlist for all the music in the Mini Unicorn Scales! I know some prefer Pandora and others prefer Spotify, but I am all about accessibility, so you can find all the songs I could collect on a YouTube list here. I'll keep updating it as each edition rolls out throughout the year.
2. I'm adding an extra song or two because there's just that much bi magic. Maybe I can't pull together a killer playlist like in High Fidelity (doesn't matter which adaptation you like — Rob can still assemble with the greatest). But at least I can give us all more tune-age so we can go on with our bad selves.
Okay with all that said and done, let's get to March's mini unicorns:
1. Queen — "Love of My Life" / "Fat-Bottomed Girls" / "Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy"
Yeah, I can practically hear you through the cyber void as I type this.
"What in the world, Jennie? Are you starting off with a triple-hitter from the same band? Don't you know it's against the unwritten rules of general playlists to use the same artist twice?"
I will answer in order:
It's time to unequivocally put Freddie Mercury's bisexuality on full display on this list. Of course, he's been featured before (I wouldn't be worth my weight in salt if he hadn't). But I am sick to death of people erasing Freddie's bisexuality. These songs show off not only Mercury's romantic but also his sexual attraction to multiple genders in his lyrics.
Homeboy didn't need to write any of these hits to show off his beautiful bisexuality, but he did. Stop denying it's there just because you're uncomfortable with the idea. He left us these killer jams for us to celebrate ourselves and to rock the fuck out. So go do what that beautiful person wanted us to do.
Yes. Yes, I am. I still feel guilty that it's taken this long for me to make an actual playlist you can pull up with all our songs, so I wanted to make up for it by kicking off with these aurally fantastic tracks.
Also: I just couldn't choose between all three. Call me indecisive, I don't care, because as a bi person, I hear it all the damn time.
Who gives a hoot about the rules. This is my column and I'll post a Queen medley if I want to.
All right, I'll get off my soapbox. But first, a cartoon before we move on.
2. Jill Sobule — "I Kissed a Girl"
Look now, I'm not just including this song because one of the subjects is named Jenny. And I'm not adding it because it's a purely mid-90s, mid-tempo classic I forgot came from the woman who also gave us the "Supermodel" song from Clueless (1995). But y'all. This song came out before Tamagotchis were even hip, and it's talking casually about attractions to multiple genders! Even though there are some elements of cheating, this bi-curious ditty deserves a second look.
3. Janelle Monae — "Make Me Feel"
Monae had queer rumors flitting around her like flies for years after her professional debut. After her Rolling Stone interview a few years ago — plus this section of her "emotion picture" — those rumors got put to rest. Monae proudly declared her queerness in this song. This Prince-engineered, poppy bop clearly articulates with both lyrics and visuals that show Monae's attraction to multiple genders — including her girlfriend Tessa Thompson's character. What's not to love?
4. Harry Styles — "Lights Up"
This video includes steamy visuals of sweaty party people of all genders rubbing up on Styles (consensually), and at one point it dangles the British singer artfully above a man laying on the ground. At the very least the whole thing is evocative. While Styles has not definitively stated his sexuality (though hey, Harry: We're here to support you if and when you do!), the orgiastic vibes of "Lights Up" are queer as hell.
5. Blur — "Boys and Girls"
Talk about a bi anthem about "love in the 90s!" The chorus of this tune consistently gets stuck in my brain; I mindlessly sing it all the time but hadn't thought until lately about how many layers there are to it. There's a whole lot of bi culture jammed into those four lines.
Though hey: I don't agree that we should only bank people we love. Make of that edict what you will.
6. Cindy Jollotta — "Room in My Pants"
Who doesn't love a bouncy country song about bi polyamory? That's right — no one. Cindy Jollotta's main character playfully talks about her busy schedule that doesn't have room for a new romance — but could spare the time for some stranger. In all the seriousness that pervades bi culture as we look for both recognition and representation, it's also fun from time to time to make light of the situations it sometimes brings up. Celebrating the validity and needs of bi and poly peeps, Jollotta's saucy song makes quick work of who she's singing to.
7. Willie Nelson — "Cowboys Are Frequently Secretly Fond of Each Other"
Continuing this country vibe right into our closet comes Nelson's ally-that-means-well song. Right around the era of Brokeback Mountain (2005), titan songwriter Nelson released this remarkable tune waxing poetic about queer cowboys. The singer's character is a little "bless your heart" and assumes/assigns a few too many qualities, but he is pretty perceptive and does seem to mean well. Honestly, I'd say just listen to it — the song speaks for itself.
All right, cowpokes — that's all I've got for now. Come back next month to read up on the next installment of the queerest of ditties for maxin' and relaxin'.
Catch you on later down the trail.
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