Thank You For Your Bi Inclusion Efforts

One of the hardest parts of being a bisexual man is routinely encountering a wide variety of people, from staunch conservatives to the proudest gay men and women, that do not view bisexuality as a "legitimate" orientation. I have written about the struggles I have faced as a bi man, such as being told, “You’re a detriment to the LGBTI community,” and “Come back when you actually come out” on several occasions because, sadly, interactions like this still happen on a fairly regular basis. As disappointing as these instances continue to be, I’ve always firmly stood my ground and vigorously defended my bisexuality.

While it’s certainly not fun to face this kind of intolerance on a regular basis, I have been thrilled to see some progress when it comes to bi inclusion elsewhere in my life. After several years of uncertainty and fighting, these instances, both large and small, are more meaningful and motivational than most understand, especially when they are coming from your family and friends.

It might seem like I overlook them, but I appreciate every instance in which those around me are inclusive in regards to my bisexuality. Simple statements like, “You could bring your boyfriend! Or girlfriend!” are such small moments that they almost seem inconsequential, but knowing that I have people around me who understand or, at the very least, acknowledge that I am bi does more for my confidence and security than they know.

In the past, it has sometimes felt like I am screaming into the void trying to find acceptance and understanding, but these moments of consideration show me that people are listening. What’s more, they show me that they’re trying to better themselves by being more inclusive to all those around them. It’s a simple thing, but one that makes a world of difference to those who feel like they don’t quite fit in anywhere.

As a bi man, it can be especially hard to find places where I feel totally accepted. I can fit into the straight or gay spaces just fine, but there are very few that I’ve come across that openly accept and acknowledge bisexual individuals as legitimate. That lack of community can become quite disheartening over time and can make you question everything rather than make you more confident.

That’s why I try to speak up every time someone refers to me as gay or straight. I’m not trying to be rude or start an argument. I’m simply trying to highlight that what you’re saying is incorrect and doesn’t apply to me. This might come as a surprise to some, but I never bring up bisexuality on my own unless someone specifically says something ignorant, offensive, or incorrect about it. If it seems like I am bringing it up a lot to you, that’s because the number of non-inclusive comments is simply that high. If I just let them slide, how would anyone learn?

I used to try my best to ignore these biphobic moments until the day I had the epiphany of, “What if the situation was reversed?” What if I went up to a straight person and referred to them as gay? What if I went up to a gay person and referred to them as straight? Think about this as it applies to yourself: would you correct that person or let it slide? I’ve seen firsthand that most, if not all, would defend their orientation, some more vehemently than most, and think nothing of it.

After that moment of clarity, I gave myself permission to be just as passionate about who I am. I have as much of a right to defend and fight for my inclusion as anyone else does. But for some reason, when I do it, I’m difficult or combative. It’s a frustrating double standard that irks me to my core, but thankfully, I am surrounded by people who have been making an effort to be more inclusive in every sense of the word.

Therefore, I want to say thank you. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate being considered valuable and valid enough to be acknowledged and accepted as who I am. Your inclusion makes all the negativity, strife, and resistance from others worth it and so much easier to handle. I cannot tell you how fulfilling it is to feel seen, heard, and respected after all this time.