Prepping for the Holidays — Queerly, of Course

Seasons Greetings to one and all! I hope that as the days darken, everyone reading this is as happy, warm, and safe as can be.

Do you look forward to the holidays? Can’t wait to hang the tinsel, spin the dreidel, light the candles, and pour libations into the unity cup? Or are you dreading the days to come? Do you feel unmoored at the idea of bringing your bi self through the final weeks of the calendar year? We can relate. December tends to be one of the most stressful times of the year, and we’ve already had quite the year on top of that.

Trepidation is a normal and healthy reaction to stress — especially if you feel like you can’t be your full, authentic self in most situations coming up. That’s why I’ve put together a toolkit for you to help navigate these festive and bright moments — from before the storm all the way to aftercare (because I’m thorough).

I’ve strived to keep these tips and tricks accessible and easy, but please take what works for you and leave what doesn’t. I promise I won’t be offended!

Without further ado, grab a holiday snack and let’s get going:

Start with self-care

We may not be able to control everything about this season, but we can control ourselves. It’s a good idea to refer to these ideas throughout the season to make sure you’re taking care of number one before anything else — not pouring from an empty cup.

Set up a way to get yourself centered

How do you like to bring yourself back to a sense of well-being? Try to set this up in advance. Schedule time for yourself as you think you’ll need it — whether it’s for meditation, a walk, or grabbing a breath of fresh air.

(Need help with finding meditation? Check out these free apps. Or if you don’t want to download yet another app, there are plenty of free guided meditations on YouTube).

Please note: if you have access to one, this is also a good time to set up decompression sessions with a therapist. (I, for one, have set up a reminder on December 1st to contact my old therapist to resume sessions since my insurance kicks back in on that date). There’s no shame in taking care of yourself.

Make your space your own

Maybe you have a house, apartment, room, or office desk over which you have dominion. Wherever your retreat is, take the time to tidy it up and decorate it in a way that prioritizes your peace and sense of self. This doesn’t necessarily mean throwing tinsel over everything (unless that’s your thing!), but maybe it’s a spot to put that rock your boyfriend gave you — even if others don’t know what that trinket means, you do. Your talismans matter.

Put together your media comfort foods.

Queer playlist full of bi bops? Awesome (and, ahem, I have a few suggestions if you need help curating your tracks). That one movie that always boosts your mood by at least 12%? Bookmark it. These do not have to be bi-centered, by the by — just has to be something that gives you enough fuzzies to feel a respite from stress and strain — be it for three minutes or ninety minutes.

Take good care of that body-ody-ody!

During the holidays, all the tastiest foods and treats come out. And those are fab. But it’s also important to make sure to nourish your body as well as your spirit. Trust me — having a few healthier habits — be it running twice a week or a high-fiber bar — as part of your regimen during these days will be a game changer later on. Your body will thank you in January!

Heading out into that great, big world

Make your own traditions!

We're not little kids anymore, right? That grants us some agency over our lives. Maybe this means starting up a Friendsgiving, or having an empowering mantra to repeat as you ride up an elevator to a holiday party, or maybe something else. Figure out what will bring you joy. Two years ago I started putting together a holiday tradition for my bi social group of a cookie exchange/ugly sweater party. It was easy to set up and make my bi heart grow three sizes each time.

Set up your support network before going to high-stress get-togethers

Find a buddy to go with to that next holiday party. Ask a friend you’re out to if they’re open to you calling them on the holidays for a five-minute venting session if you have to get out of the house. And, if you’re up for it, make sure your queer friends know you can be there for them, too.

Get some damn fresh air.

Please remember you can always, always step out of the room for a breath of fresh air — whether you need a break from a homophobic relative or just need to get away from the marathon of traditionalist Hallmark Christmas movies. Five minutes can do wonders for your mental health. Ten minutes is better!

During the official observations

Need some snappy or suave comebacks? We’ve got you covered!

L’esprit de l’escaleir is very real — especially during contentious holiday interactions. Not sure you’ll have the right words during grating interactions and want to have a witty riposte? Don’t worry, I gotchu.

Find and foster some welcoming online spaces

Obviously, bi.org is always here for you, but I often refer to the past letters of the Your Holiday Mom project to provide some of the queer online support many of us lack from our blood families.

That said — watch out for how much time you’re spending online

I don’t need to warn you about the dangers of blue light — but it’s also important to note that more time online can leave us even more anxious than before. Consider putting a fifteen-minute timer on your phone so you enjoy your time diving into the bi side of TikTok without ramping up the cortisol.

Find some subtle ways to remind you of your pride, even if it’s just for yourself

I know that time home during the last few weeks of the year isn’t always great for self-esteem. That doesn’t change who you are, though! Sometimes we need a reminder — even if it’s only things we see, like a pink/purple/blue keychain decoration, or dressing in the colors of the flag in sections.

Just remember — somewhere, Freddie Mercury is proud of you and wants you to pet all the cats you can see.

Ever-important aftercare

Holy cabooses, you made it through! I knew you could do it. Never doubted you for a second.

But what now? December may have been harrowing, and winter is long.

Keep up with that self-care

Are you still doing some guided meditation, even if it’s just reminding yourself to take some deep breaths? Still seeing a therapist? Diving into a meditative hobby? Keeping that body moving to shake the anxiety out? Eating colorful foods? Do an honest check-in with yourself and see where you can cultivate your most vibrant inner garden.

Reconnect with chosen family in the new year

Remember those lovelies who adore you just as you are, and know that you’re enough? Call ‘em up for a potluck brunch/debriefing. If anyone will understand how your Aunt Jean refuses to think that bisexuality is real, it’s them.

Focus on your wins, no matter how small

Did you resist the urge at the holiday party to shove that bigot Steve into the punch bowl? Awesome. Did you remember to do some calming techniques to dispel anxious thoughts? It’s important to acknowledge and celebrate these small victories — because they’re worthy of notice.

Get yourself a goddamn crown

I know this one has a little bit of a price tag on it, but I can tell you from personal experience — putting on a crown always makes you feel just a bit better. Because you are a goddamn queen.

I can tell you that it works from personal experience.

They’re on Amazon — I know, I know, but they’re cheap and you’re worth it. You went through one heck of a holiday season.

All right, my bi buddies, that’s what I’ve got! I sure hope it helps prepare for the season. Try to have some fun out there. You are enough, and I love you.