I'm Thankful for My Family of Allies

By Blaize Stewart

November 25, 2019

Share

Donate

As this holiday season will be the first one in three years that my entire family will be able to come together to enjoy the festivities, I have been feeling particularly sentimental of late. While we certainly had our fair share of memorable moments these past few years, with my older brother gone in Africa serving with the Peace Corps, things never felt entirely complete. 

As corny as it sounds, his absence really showed me the true meaning of what the holidays should be about. It’s not the excessive gifts, religious rituals or anything like that which makes the holidays important to me, but rather spending time with the people who mean the most and letting them know the important roles they play in my life.

Blaize and his family

As anyone who has ever seen a holiday movie can tell you, this is not a particularly groundbreaking revelation. However, for those of us in the LGBT community, this time of year can be incredibly inhospitable, especially for those who are closeted or not accepted by their families for being themselves. I can’t imagine the pain of being rejected by my family any time of the year, but during the holidays the cut would only go that much deeper.

Almost five years ago, while in my senior year of college, I came out right before the holiday season. I had been working on my “coming out article” for longer than I care to remember and right before I went into my last final of the semester, I finally hit publish and shared it online for the world to see — from that point on, there was no going back for me. The same can be said for many of us who identify as LGBT. Once we are out, the only direction for us to keep pushing towards is the one leading away from the closet.

However, before I was able to find the courage to hit that publish button, I needed to know I had the support of my family. I had reached a breaking point with my mental and emotional health from keeping my bisexuality hidden for so long and knew the time had come for me to bust out of the closet. So, about a week before I shared my article with the world, I gathered my siblings at one of our favorite college bars and finally spilled the beans about my bisexuality.

Even though I knew deep down that they would accept me, I was still absolutely terrified that they wouldn’t. That little “what if” voice that had plagued my thoughts for years got in one last vindictive, “What if they don’t want to be around you anymore?” before I got the words out. Luckily for me, that voice was wrong. Their immediate acceptance, and that of my parents the following day, was exactly what I needed to take on whatever challenges coming out would bring.

When I think back to who I was before these life-changing moments of acceptance, I wish I could tell him that life was about to turn around. That in a few short years, life would be more incredible than he ever believed possible. I want to tell him that surrounding yourself with people who support and love you is the best way to find a happy life, you just have to give them a chance to do it.

I owe all of these revelations, all of the incredible milestones and moments that I have experienced since I came out all those years ago to my family of allies. In more ways than one, it has sometimes felt like it was us six against the world, but that is a battle I will gladly take on knowing I have them in my corner. I would have never been able to share this part of myself with the world without the unconditional love and support from all of them.

Blaize and his family

As a member of the LGBT community, I am a big proponent of what we call chosen families. These are groups of people who, for one reason or another, choose to accept each other as important members of each other’s lives. For some people, this is the only family they still have left.

In my life, I have family members who have abandoned me, for one reason or another, so I am not one to instantly claim a strong bond with someone I happen to share some similar genetic information with. However, I am thankful every day to have been born into a family that I actively choose to be a part of, because without them, I am certain I would be nowhere near as happy as I am today. All I can say is thank you for this life; I could not imagine living it any other way.

Comments

Facebook Comments