Reaching Out On Bi Visibility Day

By Talia Squires

September 23, 2020

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One of the wonderful things about my job as editor in chief of bi.org is that I’m always thinking about Bi Pride Month and Bi Visibility Day. They are important dates on my calendar and I think of them like I imagine an accountant thinks of tax season. Every October, I reflect on what went well the previous month and how I am going to use that information the next year. And I’ve had some truly epic Bi Visibility Days.

I remember the first Bi Visibility Day that I put the bi colors over my profile picture on Facebook. This is something that many people do and I now do unthinkingly. However, back then, it was huge. I was half out and still figuring out my own sexuality, but here I was declaring it to the world.

I remember going to a Bi Arts Festival and seeing bi musicians and performers talk about their bisexuality, but also just sharing their incredible talent.

And two years ago I was lucky enough to help organize a Bi Pride celebration with the City of West Hollywood. That year, The City of West Hollywood became the first city in the world to host a Bi Pride celebration. We had our own bi parade through the city, saw some incredible performers, and spent time surrounded by my wonderful bi community.

Photos provided courtesy of the City of West Hollywood. Photo credits: Jon Viscott

This year I am spending Bi Visibility Day with an air purifier and my dogs. I live in California and between COVID-19 making indoor gatherings impossible and the smoke from the wildfires making outdoor gathering impossible, many of our summer plans have been rearranged numerous times. Weddings, birthdays, and yes, even Bi Pride have been altered and realtered as the world continues to change around me.

In many ways I am lucky. I live with a wonderful husband and an awesome roommate, so we have avoided the worst of this year’s isolation. I have a backyard that has allowed for some distanced socializing. My home is well out of the fire zones, so I am not afraid of losing it. My rural community has been relatively untouched by the coronavirus. Overall, I am not having the very worst 2020, but let’s just say the 2020 bar is very low.

Talia Squires, Still Bi and Still Staying Home

This year, in all of its chaos, has given me a lot of time to think about why Bi Visibility Day is so important. I’ve spent so much time organizing pride contingents and informational booths and parties for the bi community that sometimes I get blasé about it. Sometimes I got downright tired of hanging bunting, waving flags, organizing volunteers, and answering the public’s questions about bisexuality and bi.org. Sometimes I just wish I could stay home with my friends and my dogs and stress bake to my heart’s content.

This year it happened. There were no phone calls about which venue we want to use for Bi Pride, how we’re going to celebrate, who we want to have perform, or what permits we might need. I suddenly lost all of that, I also lost access to my bi community. We knew in March that we probably weren’t going to be organizing bi floats for Prides around the world and that we probably wouldn’t be having a big Bi Pride celebration.

Talia Squires and amBi catching a nap while we wait for the parade to start

Suddenly, losing these beats in my year made me realize how important they are. Yes, it can be exhausting and frustrating, but we do these things for a reason, and I reap the benefits of the works that countless others have done before me.

I have a large group of bi friends in my life, in fact, this supportive group has become an essential part of my life over the last decade. It turns out that if you want a friend who embraces your sexuality, a great place to look is among other bi people. Having a bi community means that I know there’s always a place to go when I’m sick of answering all the silly questions and confronting all of the prejudice around bisexuality. These folks will never ask me how I can be married to a man and bi, or if I only say I’m bi to attract men. They have become my support system and have made my life so much richer. I only have these friends because they were able to be their true selves. We found each other through a bi social group, amBi, and that group is only possible because other activists worked to make it possible. My friends were only able to come out because people went before us and fought to make it safe for us to come out.

When I started on this journey I remember googling bisexual. What I found was mostly porn and a few advice type sites explaining why you shouldn’t date bi people, or that bisexuality wasn’t real, or that women were just doing it for attention. Doing the same thing today brought up informational sites, lists of famous bi folks, an article about why it’s important to be bi inclusive, and so much more. I think of young people exploring their own sexuality now and am thrilled that I can contribute actual information and support through bi.org.

The world is changing and becoming more accepting and knowledgeable of bisexuality. One of the reasons that change is possible is that we stood up when we were uncomfortable or tired or just not in the mood and engaged the world, waved the flags, and answered the questions.

Bi Visibility Day is about celebrating those successes, the fact that so many more people are able to be out, that we are seeing so much more bi representation in the media, and that there is so much less prejudice. Bi Visibility Day is also about making sure that we don’t become complacent, that we continue to push. The more of us that are visible, the more we talk about bisexuality, the more we empower others to do the same.

Maybe you can’t spend today hugging and marching and spending time in a room with your incredible bi community, but you can still work to make your community more visible. Today is a great day to wear those bi colors, put a flag in your window, and maybe even take the time to engage with another person. We all have times and days where we just don’t have the energy to explain that bisexuality is real, or that it doesn’t mean half/gay half straight, or that bi people aren’t more promiscuous. That’s okay, you are allowed to take care of yourself. I’ve certainly been guilty of allowing people to assume that I’m straight rather than busting in with an “actually, I’m bi”. Also, if you feel safe, if you have the energy, maybe don’t just brush it off. This day, this month, this year might be a great time to spend the time talking about your bisexuality and answering those painfully ignorant questions.

With any luck, that conversation that you put yourself through is the conversation that someone remembers when their friend or child or parent comes out to them as bi at some future date. Or maybe it’s the conversation they remember when they come to terms with their own bisexuality.

And so, Happy Bi Visibility Day all. Go out (or stay in) and show off your bi pride, and next year I hope that we will once again gather with flags and chants and hugs to celebrate another fantastic bi year.