Best of the Mini Unicorn Scale 2019

Holy cabooses, Unicorns! Where did the year go? Where did the decade go? I feel like no time goes by, then that 2009 vs. 2019 theme comes along and I see that I was most definitely a baby unicorn in those days of yore.

I still have that red halter dress.

So with the end of the year or decade come all the reflections and musings, and this section is no exception. When a friend suggested I review a short bi fashion film thing, I said I was intrigued but didn’t really have any space for it because I had only done full-length features and shows. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized we needed a space for short forms of queer expression. And here we are, four Mini Unicorns in!

Let’s take a look back at the best of what this little column had to offer this year. I tried to use mostly entries that got three unicorns or more, but imperfection is part of life (and also makes for a better playlist — you can’t have all high-tempo beats on a soundtrack or your ears don’t get a break).

Torrey Mercer — "Boys/Girls"

What’s a community movement without a few anthems? Mercer’s frothy, playful ditty proudly declares her attraction for more than one gender in a celebration of love. The darling animations in her music video even put the visual over the top. What a great way to kick off a playlist.

Pete Gardner — “Getting Bi” (from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend)

The phrase “instant classic” gets thrown around a lot these days, but Gardner’s turn as Darryl Whitefeather realizing his orientation in the middle of a work meeting really does earn the title. Infused with Huey Lewis vibes and dismissals of biphobic bullshit in equal measure, it even features a sweet saxophone solo. What’s not to love?

Tove Lo — "Habits (Stay High)"

We don’t wanna overheat going into the New Year, so here’s a Swedish sleeper hit to cool us off. Lo herself has written multiple times about being bi, and she makes sure to show that side of herself in the arresting music video for the ditty. Even though the short shows the character being a messy bi, everyone’s breakup process is different — Lo is just honest about some of the darker corners of one before breaking through to brighter days.

R.E.M. — “Night Swimming"

Don’t let the slow tempo fool you - this R.E.M. ditty is all about risk and exposure. Stipe (who has talked openly about having relationships with men and women) deliberately never uses gender in describing the people involved in that youthful rite-of-passage of trespassing and going skinny dipping and living it up, which makes it all the more universal. September’s coming soon, indeed.

Melissa Etheridge — “I Wanna Come Over”

Time to bring the tempo up a notch with this 90s classic. Is this a perfect queer song? Not at all. This grunge-rock-pop queerness-on-a-stick is all about an emotionally dishonest love triangle, including a bi female subject and a singer who is deliberately seducing a woman in a relationship with someone else. Not the best representation, but damn if it ain’t catchy. Also — the music video features a baby Gwyneth!

Miike Snow — “Genghis Khan” music video

I’d first heard about this song from my poly friend talking about how they can identify with the issues of jealousy, and after listening to the ditty, I can understand. While the song is all about a no-strings-attached relationship that clearly isn’t working out for the singer, the music video is around send-up playing with those very same themes in a delightful manner. 

Sometimes in my other reviews I talk about some characters not displaying a fully lived inner life, or a life outside of a situation, and we get to see our villain get that — dissatisfying as it all is. The cat-and-mouse choreography alone makes this a must-watch.

“Queering”

Speaking of watching, let’s switch briefly over for a web series break. While the medium is growing in good LGBTI representation, “Queering” may be one of the best bi offerings out there these days. Rife with high production values, excellent writing, female-focused storytelling, this is bi representation in a way we rarely get to see — a Boomer coming to terms with their orientation and all the fallout that can happen after coming out of the closet. “Queering” is a shining example of how great nuanced representation can be.

Whitney Houston — “I Wanna Dance With Somebody”

Whoo! This song, in particular, seems worthy of a retread, especially considering the release of the memoir of Houston’s friend and lover after breaking her silence about their sexual and romantic past this year. Now I see this bop as a love letter to Robyn and her alone, utilizing pronoun games in order to express a love she felt she had to suppress. Yup, that’s now my headcanon for this song.

Domo Wilson — “Bisexual Anthem”

Keeping up the heat is Wilson’s entry about accepting her badass bi self — and how everybody else better fall in line. While Wilson does throw down a line about how she only dates one gender at a time that could get misconstrued as a slight against the ethical non-monogamist community and seems to assume gender matches genitals (and that there are only two), the openness in the rest of the lyrics suggests she would be open to remedying that. It’s also fab to see even more bi repping from people of color on the list, too. The whole song just makes me smile.

Sophie B. Hawkins — “Damn! I Wish I Was Your Lover”

One of the O.G. bi babes, Sophie B. Hawkins, penned this hit back in the 90s and brought forth more queer flannel and big, sexy hair my tiny brain could fathom. The omnisexual songstress packed her lyrics with innuendos and animalistic energy that left it with a deeply charged undertow of big bi energy. Daaaaamn!

Torrey Mercer — “Like That”

No, you’re not seeing double — Mercer is showing up on this list twice. When you put together not only a bi anthem, but a song that works on the flip side of that coin — bi insecurity when you’re not sure if the person you have a crush on is straight or not — then you get a deserved double placing on this roster. Any queer who has found themselves wondering — or chasing — a crush on a straight person can relate to what Mercer’s throwing down. And that makes her a queer artist to watch in the next decade to come.

David Bowie & Freddie Mercury, “Under Pressure”

I believe in finishing strong, and there’s no better way to do that with a bi best-of playlist than the O.G. karaoke duet to end all duets. Both of these bi artists give this collaboration their all, railing and wailing and giving falsettos to die for. It’s a damn shame this was the only blending of their talents we got — but damn if it ain’t one for the ages.

Welp, that about sums it up for 2019! I hope you had as much reading about these delicious submissions as much as I did writing about them. But fear not! I’ve got more goodies coming at you in the new year — and decade.

Cheers!