Growing Into My Bisexuality

Have you ever compared the person you were ten years ago with the person you are today? My bi journey started almost ten years ago, at which time I realized several things about myself that changed my life for the better and made me incredibly grateful for being bi.

For me, embracing my bisexuality has pushed me to not only accept myself, but also to expand my sense of understanding about many things. Being forced to question my sexuality and to rethink my assumptions about human sexuality also made me question a lot of other things that I had been taught growing up. Here are a few of the things I was forced to reconsider.

My Religion

This is one of the biggest setbacks a lot of bi (and any queer) folks have in their lives when it comes to accepting their queerness. Many of us have been raised to think that we will be punished by a religious entity for our sexual orientation. I was raised Jehovah's Witness, and it soon became clear that there was no way that I was going to be able to reconcile my religion with my sexuality. While it is important for me to have a sense of spirituality, I'm not interested in a religion that will deny me based on my sexuality.

Sexual Puritanism

Growing up in a religious or puritanical environment can very much instill in us the shame and guilt of being a sexual individual. Learning that human beings are just animals with biological imperatives. Our sexual desires are not deviant or dangerous. It took me time to learn that many sexual acts are not wrong and that I don't need to feel shame or guilt around sex.

Just meeting and learning about my community over the past ten years has allowed me to learn so much more about accepting my sexuality. I'm finally to the point where consensual sex in a safe environment is normal.

Monogamy

Meeting other bi people helped me understand that are many ways to have healthy, happy romantic relationships. Yes, relationships are hard, whether you're having one, two, or more at the time, but that doesn't mean that they aren't worth it. I had been taught that jealousy and possessiveness validated a romantic relationship. I was challenged to reconsider what made a good relationship.

Meeting people who were not monogamous and seeing how their relationships actually worked sparked a desire in me to explore non-monogamy.

My Black and White View of the World

Many bi people feel like they are forced to exist in two communities — a straight community and a queer community. Navigating these two spaces has made me more sensitive to the in-between places. It turns out the world isn't just black and white.

I have learned to love exploring different and "alternative" communities. Coming out as bi has given me the courage to see more of the world and break out of my narrow preconceived notions of what art, friendship, and fun look like.

Strict Gender Roles

I grew up in a culture where men are expected to be hyper-masculine. It was important to be perceived a certain way and to constantly reaffirm my masculinity, but it was never a charade I enjoyed. Since coming out, I've been allowed to throw those ideas out the window and just enjoy being myself.

In exploring my attraction to men and women, I learned that I am more attracted to personalities than gender.

Coming out as bisexual has made me a more open-minded and resilient person. Maybe I'm not thrilled that I've had to spend years convincing people of my bisexuality and dispelling toxic myths about bisexuality, but those conversations have made me a stronger, more confident person. There were many challenges to getting me to this point, and I sincerely hope that people coming out now are facing fewer obstacles than I did. I am, however, very grateful that the process of coming out and coming to terms with my bisexuality was just the first step in my becoming a better, freer, and happier person.