The Drive-Bis: Volume 2: More Blink-and-You’ll-Miss-It Bi Representation

As of this year, I’ve had my driver’s license for twenty years, which means statistically I’ve probably been in a few car crashes. And I have. There were only two of note, thank goodness - a fender-bender and a late-night pile-up. Both of them resulted in me getting a pretty nasty case of whiplash. Luckily I was okay, but I never forgot the sensation.

What these bits of media do for me is give me a sense of representation whiplash, piercing and abrupt and nothing that a few ibuprofen can soften. Since they’re so fast they pull me up short when I’m usually bopping along and following a story, then resume so quickly they leave me massaging my metaphorical neck.

But these drive-bis were (and sometimes, surprisingly, are still) often the crumbs upon which the bi community was expected to feed in the past two decades or so. Quite frankly, they weren’t enough. But I wanted to keep gathering these crumbs into a few neat little piles so we can examine why they aren’t enough.

Before I go too much further into this volume’s selections, I wanted to go over a few ground rules. First off, much like with my Unicorn Scales, there will be SPOILERS for the content I’m discussing. Also, I should note that I tend to get a more frustrated and give spicier takes here than I do with my Unicorn Scales that readers may not find as palatable, or disagree with. That’s okay! 

Some of the stuff I cover here may have deeply resonated with you in your search for yourself on screens big and small, and I can never take that away from you. I just want to dissect why the overarching pattern could have been more harmful than hurtful for the bi community. Finally, this is the second volume in a series. If you have no idea what I mean when I’m talking about Drive-Bi characters, you can find out more at the O.G. article here.

1) Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, “Holidays of Future Passed” (2011)

While I didn’t watch the classic comedy until I was a teenager (it was not allowed in the house when I was younger ― long story), I ended up identifying with Lisa like it was my job. I was the youngest instead of the middle child, but there was a lot of other overlap: obsessively good at school, goody-two-shoes child, but often questioning the systems around me (“Why can’t we just have people pay for things by saying ‘thank you’ instead of with money?” “I know Spanish has male-dominant articles, but is there any major language these days that’s matriarchal?”)

So a few years ago when I heard that in one of the later episodes in a flash-forward montage they showed that Lisa was bi (and polyamorous!), my queer heart leapt. But it’s literally two frames’ worth of representation, and played off as yet another joke before she ultimately settles down with (and settles for, gag) Milhouse. (Yes, #StillBisexual and during my research I found another clip from another episode where we find out a touch more about a girlfriend in college, but that seems to be the end of the line.)

I know that the show is really about the dynamics of the family and common experiences growing up, and I shouldn’t be obsessive about the later romantic life of a cartoon child. But maybe because I loved her so much it hurt a lot more when they did give a glimpse of what might have been.

2) Loki, Loki (2021)

Yes, Loki. I know that not everyone on this site will agree with my annoyance with this aspect of the newer series from Marvel on Disney+. And that’s okay! The bi+ community is not a monolith, and that goes double for opinions on representation.

But this one rubbed me so raw. Ever since the first Thor, I’ve jokingly told friends and family that Tom Hiddleston I refer to him as My Future Husband. He’s my number one male celebrity crush (though Pedro Pascal and Taika Waititi and Chris Evans are all solid contenders for the spot.) I’ve adored Loki from jump. 

So when I found out that Loki 1) is bi in the original Nordic lore and it’s no big deal; 2) that the comics in recent years had made sure to reflect that part of the god’s inner life, and 3) that the series would make sure he was bi, you can bet your sweet horned helmet I was pumped to see it.

So imagine my disappointment when this was all that was on offer.

I mean, c’mon. Look at the mere length of that video above. Not even thirty seconds talking about their queerness! The ad that you had to click through to get through to get to that content was probably longer than that dalliance of a scene. For fuck’s sake, THE CROCODILE GOT MORE SCREEN TIME THAN HIS QUEERNESS. (No hate on Croki - he may have been my favorite thing about the show.)

Marvel movies have had a difficult time showing LGBT representation since Iron Man came onto the screen, but I figured fourteen years later we’d at least get the term “bi” used somewhere on the Sacred Timeline. Really hoping Season 2 rights this wrong.

3) Rose, Get Out (2017)

Look. Ever since the induction of the Hays Code in the ‘30s, we’ve had queer-coded villains. This ain’t new. Peele’s horror film take on making the white queer woman a villain definitely has its merits, and I’ll give it that. I’m not saying it’s wrong, I’m not saying it’s ineffective. I’m saying that good God am I tired of us being portrayed as villains, even in genre send-ups with biting social commentary. (Still a great flick, though!)

4) David, The Lobster (2015)

Oh, did you want to see the discussion on bisexuality in this surreal dystopian comedy? Cool, you saw all of it in the confines of that trailer. And, again, set up as a joke.

I will say, though, I wish I knew why the “option is no longer available.” Was it unpopular? Vastly popular and threatened to run the whole institute out of business? Was it one of the original reasons the Loners decided to book it and live off the grid, so they didn’t have to have their lives defined by a binary?

Hey, look at that. That entire paragraph has more description and thought about queerness than the entire movie had.

Okay, I know I’m starting to sound snarky and snobby, so I should probably stop. I guess too many whiplashes in a row will do that to a girl. But my point still stands. There are far too many examples out there where our sexuality is used as the butt of a joke, or half a line is supposed to equate to good representation.

Okay, I think I should go get some ice for my metaphorical neck.