A User’s Guide For the Freshly Queer in the Academic Year

A Is For Apple, B Is For Bi!

Welcome back to the academic year, Unicorns! I know it seems like just yesterday it was August and we were all peeling off sunburns and debating which hashtag was better — #HotGirlSummer or #FatGirlFall. And in the cosmic sense of things, it was just yesterday!

But that’s not why you’re here. Maybe you’ve just come out of the closet. Maybe you had your first queer celebrity crush, or your first non-straight erotic experience over the lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer. Those are all super valid! Big ups to you!

But now you’re facing the school year. Maybe those hallways don’t look as inviting this year. Or you’re terrified of online bullying if you’re in the closet. September is daunting for more reasons than just getting new school supplies — I totally get it!

We here at bi.org get your fears and hesitations, and we wanna make sure you know you’re acknowledged and supported here. But sometimes you need something a little different than some column inches of an article reminding you that you’re a total BAMF. Perhaps you don’t know where to begin — at home, online, or in the classroom — with finding your posse. So that’s why I decided to put together the toolkit for you I wish I had had once I realized I was bi. Good for a recap for those who are already self-accepting, too.

All right, let’s shine those apples and dive right in:

1) First and foremost, take care of your emotional safety and self-preservation.

I recognize it’s not always safe to be out and proud — be it in your home or in your community. While queer culture wants everyone to be out and fully, authentically ourselves, before we hit 18 we are not always capable of being in safe zones. This can feel existentially painful, but there are times where we have to recognize our need for self-preservation before visibility when it’s absolutely necessary.

It’s crucial to acknowledge this anxiety and name it for what it is. This will bring some relief. With this confession to yourself in mind, I highly recommend finding your safe zones. This can be online communities, such as bi.org. But make sure on your home computers or monitored phones you know how to delete your browser history first, so you know how to cover your tracks when you log out. If you have access to mentors who would need to operate under confidentiality (doctors, therapists, school counselors), ask them and speak with them if you feel comfortable doing so.

You can also find friends you think you can confide in — this may take some time if you feel you are in a hostile or homophobic community, but they can be found. Often these people give outward, coded signs that they are accepting of divergent or marginalized groups. It may take time, but finding someone you can be real with during this process is so important.

Please know during this frustrating time of discernment that you are not alone. Being a baby queer can still be really tough, and hard to find your tribe. But they are there — sometimes in places you may not expect.

2. Find your resources. 

With any luck, your school library will have history you can read up on — bi people and our queer history. But if they’re not there, you can very likely find them at your local library.

Of course, there is also the online community you can get in touch with. Now that we know how to delete our browser history (and cookies!) and Google no longer tags "bisexual" as a banned search term, you can look up more about some of your favorite queer heroes to get inspiration from. (We’ve been around since the dawn of time!)

Online communities are also an excellent place to find coping skills if you are experiencing anxiety or depression about your emerging sexuality. While being bi is a joyous thing, figuring out how it fits with your identity — or how you walk through your academic year while wrestling with this new info — can be daunting. Here’s a quick Google search that can get you started while you are on the way to self-acceptance.

3. Do not neglect your health.

It is so easy in the haze of new classes, papers, and midterms on top of figuring out if that girl in trig is also queer to not nourish your body. Make sure to tend to your bodily needs. Try some light meal planning to make sure you’re getting what you need through the day. Exercise at least three days a week — that'll help out with general stress, too, and getting that blood flowing can often shake off a lot of the worries of the day. I’d also suggest trying to find a way to do yoga (as you are able) or to meditate twice a week — it’s not selfish, it’s self-care.

4. Find your school’s GSA, or Gay-Straight Alliance.

Don’t let the name fool you — this organization is all about supporting queer youth and making an inclusive space for them as well as straight allies. You can find out if your school has one on their fab website. Or if your school doesn’t have one, if you’re feeling brave and want to create a space for yourselves and others, consider starting a local chapter. The website has a lot of support and resources for getting started.

5. Create or remind yourself of immediate future events you are looking forward to.

Huh? Stay with me on this one. Some days in class and going through the halls will be a drag. Maybe you’re not seeing anyone mention a historical figure’s sexuality when you know they’re queer. Maybe you have overheard gay slurs — or they’ve been targeted at you. Or you don’t feel like you can talk to anyone about your feelings yet.

Sometimes what can get you through the toughest of days is reminding yourself of your family’s planned trip to the Grand Canyon next month. Or that Winter Break is around the corner and you’ll have two weeks of a break from school bullies. This isn’t meant in any way for you to suppress your feelings — always feel your feelings! But sometimes it helps to get emotional relief to remind ourselves there will be a definite end to a negative space. Sure, graduation and possibly college are down the line, but it helps to have stuff that is less than four years away to count the days for.

6. Curate a queer-friendly social media intake — but carefully.

We all love social media. And nowadays there are so many wonderful, affirming queer celebrities we can follow. (Jonathan Van Ness’s Instagram and Mara Wilson’s (#Bi2) Twitter are some of my personal favorites.) Try to find personalities who you love who put out content that makes you smile.

Yes, I am aware I have the Bisexual Haircut™️ https://t.co/FOWBD7O9m0

— Mara “Get Rid of the Nazis” Wilson (@MaraWilson) May 30, 2019

Of course, be careful how you curate — even if it’s for your Finsta, be mindful of the accounts you follow. Make sure that you’re following people who only make you feel good — not people you compare yourself to. And, of course, remember that it’s all an illusion. We’ve all got cellulite and babe marks, as Jameela Jamil reminds us. Celebrate that beautiful body of yours!

View this post on Instagram

Boob stretch marks are a normal, beautiful thing. I have stretch marks all over my body and I hereby rename them all Babe Marks. They are a sign my body dared to take up extra space in a society that demands our eternal thinness. They are my badge of honour for resisting society’s weaponizing of the female form. ❤️ ps. My face is white because I wear spf 100 sunscreen like a boss. 🤓 PS. LOVE YOUR BROWN SKIN. I tan responsibly but I love to tan! I love to embrace and celebrate my heritage. This skin bleaching and whitening should be banned. It’s inherently racist, classist and emotionally very damaging. #brownandproud

A post shared by Jameela Jamil (@jameelajamilofficial) on Apr 1, 2019 at 7:50am PDT

7. Ingest queer-positive shows.

We are lucky — bi representation in media has gotten exponentially better in the past few years. With that in mind, streaming services have lots of niche content that includes fully dimensional badass bis to remind you that we are out there and deserve our stories, too.

If you have no idea where to start, I highly suggest heading over to the Articles section of this site and looking up the Unicorn Scale. There you’ll find a wide variety of media sporting bi representation. (Pro-tip: not all bi media is created equal. I suggest looking for shows/movies that have a 3 Unicorn or higher rating.)

8. Remember — you are not alone.

This is an exciting and tumultuous time in discovering who you are. It can also be terrifying and isolating. But even as you struggle to find your people, know that you are not alone in this journey. And so many people you already know have gone down a similar road. Take comfort in that. You are experiencing one of the true joys of being human — and I promise you, it gets better.

Now, let’s go find the right study group. At the very least we can create some good stories to put on our TikToks.