A Decade Divided: Life Before and After Coming Out

A few short months into 2010, a brand-new chapter of my life was about to begin. I had wrapped up a great high school experience and was bound for college, full of hope for the future. I had no idea what the next decade would bring and, in my naïve state, believed that all my expectations for the next ten years would fall into place nicely. Of course, sitting here almost a decade later, I can laugh at how those many plans beautifully fell apart to lead me to the life I live today.

However, there were two goals that were at the top of my “Accomplish Before 2020 To-do List” I knew I wanted to achieve at the exclusion of all the others I had listed out. First, I wanted to land a job in a creative, challenging field in a metropolitan area and second, I wanted to finally come out of the closet. Sadly, at that time, the first goal was the only one I was confident I could realistically achieve.

I knew from an early age that I was attracted to both men and women, but in my rural community, I had no concept or knowledge of bisexuality. I thought a person was either gay or straight and my attraction to both led me to many years of confusion and self-doubt. Even after I finally started learning more about bisexuality, I was still unsure about coming out. There was even a moment when I thought, “I really don’t even need to come out now, especially if I wind up with a woman.” I was worried that since it took me so long to understand bisexuality myself, no one who identified as straight or gay would understand it either.

Therefore, I spent a lot of my post-high school years focusing on my creative aspirations, which coincidentally served as a nice distraction from my struggle with whether to come out. There was plenty to keep me busy as well: I transferred schools several times and switched majors (Pre-Vet, Secondary Education and Mass Communications were all on the table at some point before I found my calling in Broadcast Journalism) more times than I care to remember.

I also kept busy with internships and extracurricular activities, in part because I knew I needed them to qualify for future jobs, but also because it gave me a valid excuse to avoid relationships. I could simply say, “I just don’t have the time or energy to put into a relationship,” without anyone batting an eye. While it was a great temporary solution, eventually I realized that I would need to come up with something better in the long-term for the sake of my mental well-being and overall happiness.

The tipping point came during my last semester of my undergrad in December of 2014. I was fortunate enough to land an Editor-in-Chief position with one of our campus publications but was passing the baton to the next leader as I made the transition to my grad program. This meant my ability to write to our campus audience would soon be gone.

At this time, I had been working on a “coming out” article for years; I had written it countless times and deleted it just as many. It was particularly hard to compose because I didn’t have many bi resources to turn to that would help me come out as a bi man. Ultimately, I decided to simply come out as a member of the LGBTI community in the article. I figured coming out was challenging enough in itself and I didn’t want the additional burden of having to explain (and defend) my bisexuality until I was ready.

It was easily one of the most terrifying moments of my life hitting “publish” on that article, but the relief I felt after was incredible. Years of tension and anxiety melted away and I felt like I could breathe for the first time in ages. Looking back at that moment still makes me smile. I feel like that was the day I gave myself permission to be my authentic self. It gave me the confidence to pursue my creative goals with gusto, to take leaps of faith and hope for the best. Ultimately, it helped me reach goals that I would have never considered pursuing in my closeted days and for that, I am incredibly grateful.

Sitting here almost ten years later, it’s exciting to remember all the wonderful, terrifying and life-changing experiences that I’ve gone through since 2010. Today I am a happily out bi man with numerous opportunities for creativity in my professional life. I didn’t hit all my bullet points on my original to-do list, but I can confidently say that what ultimately happened was much better than anything I could have planned.

All I can say now is that I can’t wait to see what the 2020s will bring; regardless of my expectations, it's sure to be a wild, transformative ride.