On average, about 15 people turn up to these meetings which are informal. The average age is about 25 with an equal balance of men and women from different walks of life. Not all people who come to these meetings identify as bisexual; some identify as gay / lesbian and some describe themselves as straight. Neither are all of us Irish. Some are Austrian, German, French. What we all have in common, perhaps, is a dissatisfaction of the current description of sexualities and the lack of space in which we can explore these issues. At one meeting (January, 1997), some of us wrote down our definitions of bisexuality. The definitions below are given by men and women, both gay / lesbian and bisexual:
... a refusal / failure to categorise people first and foremost by biological sex, thereby opening the potential for being erotically attracted to people of either sex. For me, it's the missing piece of the sexuality jigsaw. I can't imagine any other way of life since I identified as bisexual. If I am attracted to a person (and not necessarily in a sexual sense) it is because of who they are, their sense of humour, their interests.
... being attracted to both sexes, but not to everyone / all of both sexes!! It' not necessarily having sex with everyone you see. Bisexuality can be seen as a way of narrowing your horizons by being within the gay / bi community, yet widening them at the same time within that community. In agreement with various people's opinions, "out", I felt like I'd finally found myself. The need to choose was unnecessary and this made sense to me. People are people and not a sex. You like someone because of the type of person they are.
... something that doubles your chances of having a date on Saturday night ...
... a state of nature - choosing sexual partners on the basis of their individuality rather than limiting your choices because of their membership of a socially constructed group (male / female).
... we all have conscious (or otherwise) basis for choosing / limiting our sexual partners, be they taste (ours or theirs), looks, intelligence or personality types. Bisexuality to me simply means that gender is not for me a basis of such choices / limits. Also, as it goes against the norms of not just straight but also gay and lesbian communities it can (although not necessarily) lead to a more questioning view of reality - not just in terms of who we sleep with, but the roles in and the nature of society itself.
... the ability to be attracted to both sexes. That's a bit of a dictionary definition. What it means to me to be bisexual is that I can be attracted / go out with people because I like them for who they are. It's the freedom to love men and women for who they are. Finding out was like coming home, it felt 'right', it felt like I was finally looking inside myself and seeing me without the boundaries of gender. It wasn't a difficult decision, as once it was open to me, I took to it. I was more concerned with the person I was with than her gender. Also, coming out was not such a shock, it just meant looking at situations differently. I was surprised at how I looked at my past - since childhood I had always been attracted to both males and females. I think also that when we say 'attracted to' it isn't necessarily sexually but rather a general wanting to spend time with and be near somebody.
... the
ability to have at least a sexual relationship with both sexes.
In my opinion, bisexuality does not mean that you choose
potential partners without regard to gender because I look for
different things in either men or women.
... the ability to fall in love with a member of either sex.
... being able to appreciate both snails and oysters.
... a physical attraction to both sexes.