Hey howdy hey, Unicorns old and new! I hope as we roll into fall, everyone has their turtlenecks freshly pressed and their hot chocolate at the ready. (We would also accept apple cider as a beverage of choice because, let’s face it — we’re all about choices around here.
Have you ever been so turned around that you completely forgot where you misplaced convenient or important things? I’m sure most of us have. I can distinctly remember being in my first year away from home, so poor I couldn’t afford chicken when I pulled out an old copy of A Moveable Feast for some reading comfort. Lo and behold, a hundred dollar bill fell from the pages — not just a windfall but also I had totally forgotten I had used that book to keep the travel funds I had saved up for my first international trip during college.
You see, for the past few months, I worked a graveyard shift on one of my “day” jobs, so as I’ve returned to daywalker hours, things have been a bit scattered. That said, as I was cleaning up my work folder for this website, I came across a whole document I’d forgotten I’d made with whole lists of songs and websites to explore once I came up for air from the graveyard shifts! It’s not a crisp C note, I know, but hopefully, you’ll be as delighted with my findings as I am.
Now, before I get back into the saddle with these reviews, I should rattle off a few disclaimers. First and foremost, this is usually where I’d say that this article will include SPOILERS — but since I will include links to all the songs, you will be able to see the content yourself before reading my take on things. I should also note that some of these songs may have some triggering content, either in the music videos or in the lyrics themselves — so be forewarned. Finally, if this is your first time around these parts and you’re wondering what exactly is a Unicorn Scale, you can learn all about it here.
Get-it-got-it-good? Faboo. Let’s dive right in!
1) Lauren Ruth Ward, “Make Love to Myself”
Kicking off this volume with a twangy bang is Ward’s “Make Love to Myself.” Ward, a Baltimore native with a huge L.A. following as the next lizard queen of rock, has no problems discussing in her lyrics her status as a late bloomer in same-sexploration. But in “Make Love To Myself,” Ward fiercely warbles about her independence from toxic love patterns, determined not to be pulled in again by those with ill intent. The music video also pokes fun at the black widow trope and gives it a queer twist that’s almost as fun to watch as it is to listen to.
2) Lucy and La Mer, “Watermelon Sugar”
Longtime readers of the Mini Unicorn Scale may have noticed the pattern of multiple entries from Lucy, and with good reason. This queer Los Angeles-based artist consistently puts out beautiful original ditties about different aspects of experiences in the bisexual diaspora. But this may be the first time La Mer has debuted a cover with a fluid bent.
Styles’ original song, recently officially confirmed to be about exactly what you suspected it was about, was a major summer hit, bubbly and bursting across the last summer from the Before Times. But as an alternative, here Lucy gives it a more ethereal take, displaying all its juicy underpinnings with the backdrop of a dreamy queer picnic. Don’t worry if you can’t let go of summer just yet; it still delivers a great sugar high.
3) Judy Garland, “I Don’t Care”
Judy really needs no introduction, but I’m gonna give her one anyway. Long known as Dorothy Gale and a beloved icon of the gay community, what often escapes the narrative of Garland’s tragic and triumphant life is that she was also bi. And while it’s easy to choose something like “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” or “I Got Rhythm” for Garland’s entry into the Scale, I’d like to bring this song to readers’ attention. Many of us may recognize it as a source of a popular meme, but it also catches the derring-do that both Garland and often us bis need to adopt to live our lives as freely as we please. Plus, it really is a snappy tune.
4) Mercy Bell, “Bent”
Okay, okay, you’re probably wondering if I can get something fresh for your ear-holes that isn’t from a musical from Hollywood’s Golden Age. No problem! Submitted for your approval is Mercy Bell’s recent ditty, “Bent,” which makes no bones about what it’s about with these direct lyrics:
I moved to the city
And I cut my hair
Fell in love with girls
No I ain’t scared anymore
No no more
It’s fun to hear a song talking about the joys and troubles of starting a new chapter in starting out — in more ways than one — in a new town. And who knows more about that perspective than a Nashville-born Filipino-American?
5) King Princess, “1950”
Keeping in the vein of indie darlings is this swooning song from King Princess (AKA Mikaela Straus), a meditation on hoping a friend’s comments mean romantic interest. While King Princess herself identifies as gay, the themes in this ditty are easy to relate to for anyone wanting more from a same-sex friendship, afraid to make a move but living in the hope that they have a chance with the person of interest.
6) David Bowie, “Velvet Goldmine”
Closing out this volume is a queer classic from one of the biggest #bicons of all time. While I have included Bowie in the second volume of this series, it was in partnership with Mercury in “Under Pressure” and felt wrong to proceed any further in the volumes without honoring everyone’s favorite bi daddy. Also, providing the title of a fabulous, loose biopic about Bowie, “Goldmine” is worthy of examination and celebration in and of itself.
Originally intended for release on Bowie’s legendary Ziggy Stardust album, the song is written from the perspective of a horny groupie for Stardust, poetic in their description of what they’d like to do to the rock star but never explicit in the gender of who is singing these hosannas. A little glam rock never hurt anyone, right?
And that’ll do it! Thanks for coming along during this varied and genre-crossing edition of the Mini Unicorn Scale. Hopefully, there’s something for everybody here to enjoy. Until next time, make sure your earbuds are charged and get back to bi boppin’!
