The AIB model is a simple but powerful tool for understanding how sexual orientation manifests itself in real life. AIB refers to three elements that make up our sexuality: Attraction, Identity, and Behavior.
Attraction refers to a person's capacity for sexual and/or romantic feelings. It is the single most important factor in determining an individual’s sexual orientation. Whether we are gay, straight, or bi is determined fundamentally by our attraction patterns — regardless of whether we act upon them in any way. Attraction generally appears to be involuntary and is shaped by factors such as genes and hormones before birth.
Identity refers to the way a person thinks about themselves and how they want to be seen by others. When someone chooses to make it clear to others what their sexual orientation is, we sometimes call it "coming out". When a person’s identity does not match their attraction patterns (aka sexual orientation), we sometimes say they are "in the closet".
Behavior refers to how a person interacts with others romantically or sexually. It’s important to note that behavior does not necessarily reflect attraction and identity. People who are in the closet might engage in behavior in order to fit in. Bi people may only date one sex because of a preference for monogamy, etc.
Public ideas about sexual orientation are often reduced to one or two of these elements, but it is important to consider all of them. There are many ways that these three components may not be in alignment, and only by looking at all of them can we get a more complete picture of our sexuality.
The AIB model is a simple yet powerful tool for understanding how sexual orientation manifests itself in real life. AIB refers to three main components that comprise sexuality: Attraction, Identity, and Behavior.
Attraction:
Attraction refers to a person's capacity for sexual and/or romantic feelings. It is the single most important factor in determining someone’s sexual orientation. Whether one is gay, straight, or bi is determined fundamentally by their attraction patterns — regardless of whether they act upon them in any way. Attraction generally appears to be involuntary and is shaped by factors such as genes and hormones before birth.
Identity:
Identity refers to the ways in which a person thinks about themselves and how they wish to be seen by others. Identity is highly influenced by cultural norms, the available concepts and vocabulary, and social incentives and taboos. When someone chooses to reveal their sexual orientation to others, particularly in a society that stigmatizes their sexuality, it’s known as "coming out". When a person’s public identity does not match their attraction patterns, this is sometimes referred to as being "in the closet".
Behavior:
Behavior refers to how a person interacts with others romantically or sexually. It’s important to note that behavior does not necessarily reflect attraction or identity. People who are in the closet might engage in behavior that doesn't align with their attractions in order to fit in or avoid social taboos. Bi people may only ever experience intimacy with one sex because of a preference for monogamy. And, of course, people of any sexual orientation can be celibate.
Public discussions of sexual orientation are often limited to one or two of these elements, leaving us with an incomplete and often inaccurate understanding. There are many reasons why someone's identity, attraction, and behavior may not be in alignment, and only by looking at all of them can we get a more complete picture of their sexuality.
For most people, attraction is the primary determinant of sexual orientation. While we may choose how we behave and identify, we have little choice in deciding whom we find attractive. There are many circumstances where these three elements may not be in agreement. For instance, a person might deny or suppress their same-sex attractions because of social stigma or because they don't align with their identity — their sense of self — as straight. While identity and behavior are important parts of one’s experience, they don't erase a person's attractions. This tension between attraction, identity, and behavior plays out in all kinds of ways, sometimes making clear-cut categorization difficult. For example, a woman who is monogamous, has been in a same-sex relationship for 40+ years, and is actively involved in a lesbian community, simply might not see any point or upside in ever acknowledging her past bisexual behavior, her current bisexual attraction, or even her identity as a bi woman. This doesn't mean that her attractions are gone or that they suddenly don't qualify as bi, but it does mean there may be parts of her sexuality that she chooses not to share with the world.
Frequently, society makes assumptions about people's identity and attractions based on what they observe of our behaviors. If people see a woman dating another woman, they generally perceive her to be lesbian. This is because we live in a culture that assumes monogamy and monosexuality (that everyone only experiences only one type of attraction — homosexual or heterosexual). Both the norms of monogamy and monosexuality are major causes of bi erasure — actively omitting and removing bisexuality from public discourse and consciousness by insisting that adults can only love one person at a time and that sexuality has to be limited by sex or gender.